The Russian Scandal: The Crème De La Kremlin III | The Daily Show

The Russian Scandal: The Crème De La Kremlin III | The Daily Show

male announcer:
From Comedy Central’s
World News Headquarters
in New York.
“The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah” presents…
♪ ♪[lilting string music]– Robert Mueller gave a list of questions
to Trump’s legal team. And those questions have now
leaked to the media. And everyone knows, unless it’s
in a hotel room in Russia, President Trump does
not like leaks.– The president tweeting this:– But you can tell from this
tweet that the president is really mad.
First off, because he says none
of Mueller’s questions are about collusion,
which is not true, because 14 of the questions are about collusion. But I guess if you round down,
14’s basically zero. And second–second, he’s really mad because he
believes that Mueller’s team leaked these questions
to the press. But… what if it turns out
the leak is coming from inside
the House? – It’s very likely, or at least it would
make a lot of sense, that the leak would come
from Trump world. – Because people
like us on television would be saying that this
is a really bad idea, and perhaps he listens
to the television more than he listens
to his own advisers. [laughter] – Being Trump’s lawyer
must be so exhausting. No, just think about it. He won’t listen to you, so you have to launder your
legal advice through the TV. And guess which news
did exactly what Trump’s team needed. – This garbage from
“The New York Times” tonight– absolute garbage. No attorney will ever
let this president sit down with
Robert Mueller. Half of these questions
are dumb anyway. You know, “Oh, what was
in your mind at the time?” You don’t–you don’t
punish people or charge people for the thoughts they
have in their head. – You know, my favorite thing
about Sean Hannity is, he’s the wrongest
right-sounding person you’ll ever meet. Because, you realize, you can
get charged because of the thoughts
you had in your head. It’s called criminal intent. It’s such a basic concept
of law and order that they put it in
the name of the show. [laughter][slow piano music]– A memo from President Trump’s
lawyers to Special Counsel
Robert Mueller says flat out that a president cannot
obstruct justice because he has authority over all federal
investigations. – What they argue
in this memo is that the President of the United
States, because he’s a chief
law enforcement officer, can terminate any federal
investigation at any time for
any reason. – According to Donald Trump’s
legal team, the President, by definition, cannot obstruct justice. But even if it ever turned out
that he did obstruct justice, they also say that
the President can’t be charged
with a crime.– Mr. Trump’s attorney,
Rudy Giuliani,
telling the
“Huffington Post”
it’s impossible to
indict a sitting president,
no matter the offense,
– Okay, okay, so the President
can’t be criminally charged; he can only be impeached
by Congress. Now, I–I understand that
as a legal argument, but I do think it’s
a little weird that out of all the examples
they could’ve picked, they went with murdering
James Comey. [laughter] It almost makes me feel like they’ve been thinking
about this.[Russian folk music]♪ ♪– Before heading
to the summit,
President Trump
spurred controversy
by saying he wants Russia to
be welcomed back into the G8.
– We have a world
to run, and in the G7,
which used to be the G8, they threw Russia out. They should let
Russia come back in, because we should
have Russia at the negotiating
table. – I don’t know if Trump
colluded with Russia, but if everyone was accusing me
of colluding with Russia, I wouldn’t be caught dead
mentioning their name. Like, if your girlfriend
accused you of cheating with Keisha,
even if you didn’t do it, just shut up about Keisha. [laughter] Just shut up. “Hey, babe, you know who we
should invite to the party? Keisha.” “Nigga, I know you didn’t just
bring up Keisha. I know you did not just
bring up Keisha.” [applause] But clearly–clearly Trump doesn’t know how to take
a clue, because he kept bringing up
Keisha all weekend long. – Some people like the idea
of bringing Russia back in. This used to be the G8. Not the G7. And something happened
a while ago where, uh, Russia is no longer in. I think it would be an asset
to have Russia back in. – Crimea was let go during
the Obama administration. And, you know, Obama can say
all he wants, but he allowed Russia to take Crimea. – Ah, okay, okay.
That makes sense. Russia annexing Crimea wasn’t
really a big deal. But we must never forgive Obama for letting them commit
this atrocity! Which was not a big deal
at all. I mean, who even knows what
a Crimea is, anyway? I mean, it’s just a random
little place whose blood is in
Obama’s hands! Anyway, I think we should
invite Keisha. That’s what I’m saying. – If your name–
if your name is Vladimir Putin, then today was a very good day. Because today, the President
of the United States took your side in a fight
between you and the United States.– Breaking news:
siding with Putin.
President Trump comes out
of his meeting
with the Russian presidentand rebukesU.S. intelligence agencies.– I think
the press conference was the single most
embarrassing performance by
an American president on the world stage
that I’ve ever seen. – Damn. The most embarrassing
performance by an American president. Do you know how hard it is
to achieve that? George H.W. Bush
once threw up on the Japanese prime minister. And Trump is now on top. When they set up this meeting
last month, no one knew what it was meant
to be about, right? They never knew what
the meeting was for. They didn’t know if it was
gonna be about nuclear weapons. Was it gonna be about
the war in Syria, missile defenses in Europe? I mean, maybe it was just
gonna be Trump going in to see Putin for
his annual performance review. No one knew what it was. The meeting had no agenda,
right? But then on Friday, Robert Mueller dropped the bombshell directly charging 12 Russian military intelligence officers with hacking Democrats during the presidential
campaign in an effort to sway
the election, which was major news. So now, the formerly
purposeless meeting between Trump and Putin
had a meaning. All right?
It was time for Trump to put his foot down. And he did. Right on America’s dick. – Just now,
President Putin denied having anything to do with
the election interference in 2016. Every U.S. intelligence
agency has concluded that
Russia did. Who do you believe? – All I can do is
ask the question. My people came to me,
Dan Coats came to me, and some others. They said, “They think
it’s Russia.” Uh, I have
President Putin. He just said
it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason
why it would be. – Really? You don’t see any reason not
to trust Vladimir Putin? The man was a top KGB spy. He’ll steal the shirt
off your back. Hell, he stole the shirt
off his own back. You can’t trust this man. – The President chose Russia
in front of everyone. – You cannot cut deals
with the devil, and you can never
trust Russia. – Now, look, President Trump
is no stranger to criticism. Right? But it’s not often
that even his closest allies slam his actions. Even Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House
and swollen Mike Pence, tweeted that this was
“the most serious mistake” of Trump’s presidency and that he must clarify
what he meant. So, just like after Trump
praised the Charlottesville Nazis, today the President
was forced to come out and pretend to believe
something different than what he said. And I don’t know if you guys
believe in omens, but watch what happened. – Let me begin by
saying that, uh, once again, full faith
and support for America’s intelligence agencies. I have a full faith in our intelligence
agencies. Oops, they just
turned off the light. That must be
the intelligence agencies. [laughter] There it goes.
Okay. You guys okay? Good. That was strange. – I like how he’s checking
if everyone else is okay, but if you look at his
body language, he was like,
“I have full faith–” and when the lights come on,
he’s like, “Everyone else okay? “I’m cool. I’m cool.
You guys okay? I’m cool. I wasn’t scared at all.
I’m cool.” But that was insane. Trump tried to claim that he
believes the intel agencies, and then the lights went off. It’s like even electricity
is tired of Trump’s bullshit. It was just like, no. Like, I wouldn’t be shocked
if one day, Trump just starts floating because gravity’s like,
“Enough of this. I’m out. I’m out.
I can’t deal with this guy.” He said when it came
to hacking, “I don’t know why
it would be Russia.” Would be. Then he flies back to America and all of a sudden
that’s changed. How do you convince people
that one flight changed your mind completely? Well, the answer is,
not like this. – I thought it
would be obvious, but I would like
to clarify, just in case it wasn’t. At a key sentence
in my remarks, I said the word
“would” instead of “wouldn’t.” The sentence
should have been, “I don’t see any
reason why I wouldn’t– or why it wouldn’t
be Russia.” So… just to repeat it, I said the word
“would” instead of “Wouldn’t.” [laughter] – Oh, you know what… no, you know what?
That–that makes sense. I actually believe Trump
on this, and I… hold on, sorry, let me just
check my notes. Oh, sorry, what I meant
to say was, “Get the [bleep] out
of here, man.” [cheers and applause][Russian folk music]Michael Cohen.
Up until recently, he was known as Donald Trump’s
personal attorney, right-hand man, and a guy
who you’re pretty sure swallows a lot of bees. But as loyal as Cohen
was to Trump, everyone always suspected
that he would flip on him if it came down to it. Well, now we’re down to it. And Cohen is doing somersaults. – Michael Cohen claims that
then-candidate Trump knew in advance about the June 2016 meeting in Trump towerin which Russians were
to offer his campaign dirton Hillary Clinton.He was informed
by Donald Trump, Jr.
about that offer.– Wow. That is shocking information. Donald Trump had an actual,
in-person conversation with one of his sons. [laughter] Also… [cheers and applause] Also, this–this Russia thing
is pretty big, I guess, but, I mean… yeah, because if they–
if they can prove that Trump knew that his
campaign was meeting with the Russians, it would go a long way
towards proving collusion. So Trump
knows that he needs backup, which is why he immediately
sent out the Bat signal. Unfortunately, all he got was the Bat Boy. But the thing about Rudy is, just when you think he’s
backed into a corner, he finds an even tighter
corner. – Cohen, you know,
always goes too far. When you’re lying,
there’s always a trap for you. So he said there was
a one-on-one meeting, that Donald, Jr. came in and told him about the meeting
that was about to take place. Well, there are two witnesses
who say it didn’t happen. – The President and his son? – All right. – All right. All right. All right, fine. You got me with your
very first rebuttal, and that has completely
destroyed my argument. All right, all right, I see how any thinking person could parry that attack I made,
all right. I see. Because, come on, man. I mean, props.
Props to Giuliani for trying. But the reasoning can’t be
that the crime didn’t happen because the people
accused of the crime say it didn’t happen. That’s not what a witness is. That’s not how it works. You can’t be like,
“Well, Your Honor, “I witnessed myself “not robbing the bank,
so cased closed. Let’s go spend this money.”
Oomp-oomp-oomp.– President Trump’s
former lawyer
and fixer
Michael Cohen
dropping a bombshellin federal court,pleading guilty
to lying to Congress
about how much
the President knew
about a potential
Trump Tower project in Russia
during the campaignout of loyalty
to President Trump.
While Cohen told
Congress last fall
that the Moscow project
ended in January 2016,
he now admits discussions
about the project
lasted as late as
approximately June 2016
when Trump was the presumptive
presidential nominee.– That’s right,
former Trump lawyer and human Eeyore
Michael Cohen… [laughter] Is admitting that he lied
to Congress about Trump’s real estate
dealings with Russia. And these aren’t like your
typical Trump real estate lies, like, “Of course we installed
smoke detectors.” No, this lie is way more
important, because it puts Trump’s contact with Russia much closer
to him being president. Right? In January 2016, Trump was just one of 17
possible morons who could become the GOP
nominee. But by June, he was the only moron who could become the nominee. Why deal with Russia at all while you’re running for
President of the United States? Why not just avoid
the conflict altogether? Well, turn to page bullshit
to find out. – I was running my business
while I was campaigning. There was a good chance
that I wouldn’t have won, in which case I would’ve gone
back into the business, and why should I lose
lots of opportunities? – Hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, whoa. Wait, did you hear
what he just said? Wait, he said the reason that
he didn’t stop his business dealings is
because he also thought he would lose. He just said that. He said,
“There was a good chance– a good chance that
I wouldn’t have won.” Well, that–yeah,
I agree with him now. [laughter] No, because before,
I was like, yeah, I’m against him, but in Trump’s defense, I understand why he did it. Like, I would have told him
to do the same thing. If in 2016, Trump came up to me
and he’s like, “Trevor, “do you think I should
shut down my business in case I become president?” I’d be like, “Donald, there’s no danger of that
happening, my friend.”[lilting string music]– Another shocking report
in “The New York Times.”
The paper claimed the FBIopened a counterintelligenceinvestigation into whetherthe President was acting
on behalf of the Russians
when he fired FBI director
James Comey.
Last night on Fox News, the
President asked point blank
whether he worked
on behalf of Russia.
– Are you now or have you ever worked for Russia,
Mr. President?– I think it’s the most
insulting thing
I’ve ever been asked.– How is that the most
insulting question he’s ever been asked? I mean, people have been
asking him if he wants to bang
his daughter, but that is more insulting? Yeah, “The other question
was way more reasonable. I mean, we’ve all seen her,
right? We’ve all seen her.” But yes, “The New York Times”
reported that the FBI investigated
Donald Trump because they thought he
might be a secret Russian spy, which, I’m sorry,
is just crazy– not because he wouldn’t do it, but because Donald Trump would
be the world’s worst spy. No one would hire him. Right? He–he can’t be a spy. He doesn’t even have
an inside voice. [laughter] He’d be out there like,
“Thank you for meeting me “under this bridge to exchange these top-secret
documents!” [laughter] I don’t think Trump
is a Russian spy. All right? But I won’t lie,
it doesn’t help his case when he’s doing
stuff like this.– A bombshell report
in the “Washington Post”
claiming President Trump
went to, quote…
The “Post” reporting
that at that private meeting
in Hamburg back in 2017,the President confiscated
his own interpreter’s notes,
shutting out members
of the administration.
– Now, you got to admit, that’s real shady, right? Because now everyone wants
to know, what did he say to Putin
that was so bad he couldn’t let anyone else
see it? Could’ve been collusion. Could’ve been something worse. You know, like maybe Trump
said, “I love you.” [laughter] And then Putin replied, “Thank you.” In which case, I’m with Trump.
You can never let that get out.[jaunty folk music]Collusion. It’s the big question about
the Trump campaign and Russia. But one place where there’s
definitely no collusion is between Rudy Giuliani’s
brain and his mouth.– In a new interview,
the President’s personal
attorney, Rudy Giuliani,says he cannot say if Trump
campaign officials
colluded with Russia during
the 2016 campaign.
– False reporting is saying that there has been no
suggestion of any kind of collusion between the campaign
and any Russian. – Well, you just misstated
my position. I never said there was no
collusion between the campaign or between people
in the campaign. – Yes, you have.
– I have no idea if– I have not. I said the
President of the United States. [laughter] – Wait. Hold on, hold on. Did Giuliani just admit
that there was collusion? [audience shouting] Yes! – I think he did.
And look at their faces. Like… neither of them can believe
what just happened. [laughter] Like–like, Cuomo looks like
a valedictorian caveman and Giuliani looks like if
Gollum realized he just left his wallet
in an Uber. He’s just like,
“My precious!” – Breaking news tonight. Longtime Trump ally
and adviser Roger Stone indicted by Special
Counsel Robert Mueller’s grand jury and arrested in an early morning raid
on his Florida home.– FBI agents
in bulletproof vests
on his home,
guns drawn.– Stone was indicted
on five counts
of false statements,one count of obstruction,and one count of witness
– That’s right. Special Counsel Robert Mueller has now charged
a sixth associate of Donald Trump. This time it was Roger Stone, personal adviser
to the President and what Mike Pence
would look like after one drink. Now… usually… usually, when someone in
President Trump’s circle comes under investigation, Trump downplays his
connection to them. That’s what he does. You know, it’s like how Trump
said that Paul Manafort was barely on the campaign or that George Papadopoulos
was a coffee boy or Jared Kushner was just
his [bleep]-blocker. But Trump might have
a harder time dismissing Roger Stone, and not just because
Stone dresses like he crashes
British weddings, but also because a big question
in this investigation is whether the Trump campaign
coordinated with WikiLeaks to release Hillary’s
hacked emails, right? And in his indictments, Mueller says that Roger Stone was directed to contact
WikiLeaks by someone in the Trump
campaign. Now, was that someone
Trump himself? We don’t know. But if it wasn’t Trump, you would expect his people
to just come out and say so. But instead, they’re avoiding
the question like it’s a friend’s
poetry reading. – The charges brought
against Mr. Stone have nothing to do
with the President. That’s what I’m clear on, and that’s what I can
tell you about it today. – You keep telling me
you’re clear on that, but then you will not answer
whether it was the President who directed a
senior Trump campaign official to contact Roger Stone,
and you may not know. You may not know.
All I’m saying– – I actually have answered
the question several times. You just don’t like my answer. – No, no, no, no.
You–you haven’t told– – Those two things
aren’t the same. – Well, did the President
know or not? Did–was it the President who
made that direction or not? – Uh, once again, I–
I haven’t read this document. – Okay.
– I’m not an attorney. I’m not gonna be able
to get into the weeds on those specifics. – That’s right,
I’m not an attorney. I can’t tell you
what the truth is. I’m not qualified. [laughter] Like, is it just me,
or does Sarah Huckabee Sanders say all Trump people
had nothing to do with Trump whenever shit hits the fan? I feel like this whole thing
is gonna end with her coming out like, “Uh, Donald Trump had nothing
to do “with the Trump presidency. “He was totally out
of the loop. Practically made zero
decisions at all.”

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About the Author: Oren Garnes


  1. Too bad u had to use the n word. Still a hurtful word, no matter who it comes from. I wish we could understand this.

  2. I love truth more than race, and the truth is there are some blacks I don't like and some whites I don't like.  So, I just love the ones that love me and show me love, the rest I am undecided about until it gets better.  I try not to hate unless I have cause.

  3. In the meeting that was never to be
    held at the door because

    the president is not the owner of
    America, they spoke about the conditions for

    the president of Russia to say what they have

    to say,

    both are involved in the collision business

  4. The real scary thing is people think this draft dodging, putin ass kissing liar is a good thing for this country. As a vet , watching this man kiss Putin's ass live on t.v. was extremely sicking !! And embarrassing. TREVOR FOR PRESIDENT 2020

  5. Nothing about tRUMP is secret (everything he's said and done is very visible) yet people are still asking if you think tRUMP racist, or colluded with Russia, etc…

  6. ?Putin, do you love me?
    No collusion!
    Say you'll never ever leave
    From beside me
    And testify on me
    And lie on me
    Putin, promise that you'll love me…??

  7. trevor it's ok to make jokes but people in crimea especially the elders they really suffer a lot this is no joke

  8. you know people are lying when you ask them a question that limits the answer to yes or no but they answer in a form of a story


  10. U have an agenda and its not comedy. Trevor do u have papers. Because u are sounding like an illegal who side's with the left side.

  11. Honestly during trumps Russia speech to me it sounds like he was talking like he was a rape victim

  12. Are you serious Trevor? I'd take Putin over any American President you have had in recent history. You talk as if you know body language, yet you don't.

  13. Can you imagine Truman asking Stalin to come back to the UN so that Stalin can veto the decision to send the UN troops to Korea?

  14. man i knew trump was bad but that bad? holy shit "obama let russia take crimea" WELL WTF DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO DO IN UKRAINE?

  15. There is not a lot good to say about Trump, but including the Russians back to G8 and bring them back to the negotiating table is a really good idea!

  16. 2:30 – From the future, 2 full years later
    Oh, really?? Because he did, and he got away with it, and now, if we ever do somehow get this bulbous, oozing orange flesh-eating cancer out of our govt, the office of POTUS will never again be secure, trustworthy, or able to be held to account!!

  17. Sean hannity, now he's damn scary. Misleading so called American people..Real American's care about our Country, losers like the trump clan & hannity will lie..You should be ashamed of yourself hannity. You really should. Why do you support the clampetts so?

  18. The only achievement Trump has goaled is that Russian don't need spies . They just call him at cremlin to get a report .

  19. What did buhari say when he was asked about what he thought about the fact that trump called Africa a shithole country? This is diplomacy u don’t expect him to just accept it that way?

  20. This president is the most hated man on earth. Right now if the dems quick him out — there will be millions of parties around the world!

  21. The lights didn't go out at the meeting by accident lol. Seriously come on..that shit never happens..what're the odds it happens right when he mentions intelligence agencies!?

  22. as much as I love trevor noah's comedy and the skill of his writing team, I can never watch too much of his news show at once, even with all the jokes and him making light of the situation (in a way) it still doesn't stop me from getting angry at all of this crap. How can any of this BS still be going on? How could it have even gotten this far? I was born in the states and lived there only for a little while befor moving to europe, and I've noticed ever since 2016 more and more of people in politics are taking an example from trump. Sure it's not as bad as the annoying orange, but one cannot deny that they do and say things nowadays, on all political sides, that come closer to a bad sitcom or kindergardners playing house rather than grown and responsible people in charge of the well being of millions of citizens daily lives. It's scary really. And tbh, it all just feels like distraction. Call me crazy and paranoid if you like, but I believe this general political chaos that seems to be happening all over the world is just a way to keep us distracted while the rich and powerful squeeze whatever they can from what remains of our precious planet to keep for themselves. Who knows, maybe they got the shuttles already built to take them to mars or some shit, though more likely it is just the collaborate greed of humankind, thinking if they hoard more stuff now and take it away from the others befor they get it, they will be the last to starve or die of thirst.

    Every action against it seems to futile. Even if all of europe started to go green 100%, it wouldn't change a thing. Europe is a fart on the global scale, what chance do we have with countries like China, India, Russia and the US producing and consuming far more of everything compared to us. If we change, we die first, if we dont, we die anyway… pick your poison.

  23. What happened to Trumps eyes??? Why are the black?? Didn’t at one time they used to be blue?? Just saying, I guess when the demon possessed him they turned black??

  24. I'm my opinion Trump is to damn stupid to be a spy. However I do believe that Russia did help to put him into Presidency for the purpose of destabilizing this country..

  25. Hannity, you are the ring leader of the White House circus. Trump is the clown. My goodness. Will America ever recover from this pathetic mess?

  26. please try not insult other than the usa
    america are 35 independent countries

    List Of North American 23 Countries:
    The U S A is only one of it

    lots of the other americans have an free education system of some kind

    here the others
    Mexico Canada Guatemala

    Cuba The Dominican Republic Haiti Honduras El Salvador Nicaragua Costa

    Rica Panama Jamaica Trinidad and Tobago The Bahamas Belize Barbados

    Saint Lucia Saint Vincent and the Grenadines Grenada Antigua and

    Barbuda Dominica Saint Kitts and Nevis
    here the 12 south american countries

    : Colombia, Bolivia, Argentina, Chile, Peru,

    Uruguay, Brazil, Paraguay, Venezuela, Guyana, Suriname, and Ecuador.

  27. Chump always wanting russia back in,.putin dic ,everything with chump backward,back in.obviiusly you chump bent over for action.

  28. I love Trevor, but what he defines and "criminal intent" is no where near associated with "what you think in your mind". If we the people could be charged with what we think in our minds, then pretty much every American would be incarcerated on any bad day they have had in their lives, because we all think crazy shit on those really bad days…but we cope, we adjust, and we rebound.

  29. The scandal is, that the whole "russia" accusation was, and is BOGUS. But the media will NEVER admit that. And you won't either.

  30. Donny, you know that when Putin is finished with you, you will end up in Siberia… right? I wonder if they need a tower in Novosibirsk?

  31. so pimped trevor , putin was part of the security envoy of Gorbachev & comes from honest good working class .

    pimped for $$$

  32. I will never be able to forget that Trump sided with Russia on Finnish soil…we will never be clean

  33. Comparing to Brazil, this is like heaven. We cannot even trust the STJ, or the higher court of justice, much less our politicians.

  34. Just like all Edomites no matter if there mother is of color they deep down know we are different, how does it feel to use the work nigga and nigger. You still Esau you are what your forefather are. Trevor is Edomites so called white dude, but you are Red with tint.

  35. im not saying that trump is actually a russian spy, but if trevor says that trump would make the worst spy and if everyone thinks so, does that not mean that he is actually the best choice for a spy?

  36. This is such a load of BS! I guess its more important demonizing Putin and scoring easy points on trump instead of going with the truth. Im not a Trump supporter but having him as President is a hell of a lot better because then Clinton. Trump has almost everyone against him limiting the damage he can do. Saving us all from WW3 this far. ? Btw the DNC emails was not hacked, they were leaked and someone paid with their life for it!

  37. Why not live in a world of goodness and friendship?? People are sometimes so miserable, faceless and soulless. Is it possible to change smth? Small thing begins from you.

  38. @10:37 ACTUALLY he says " My secretary will contact you to finalize your purchase of America Putin, & I gotta tell ya Ive given ya a SWEETDEAL"

  39. We are already missing the Daily Show. September 3rd is too long to not have Fresh episodes of the Daily Show with Trevor Noah On Air…You guys are being missed.

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