Ten Commandments of Pokemon

Greetings my chosen people. I am PokeMoses, prophet
of the great and true Lord Helix. I thought it was Arceus. If a ten year old can catch it with a tiny
piece of metal it is not a god. But as I was saying! I am PokeMoses, prophet of our Lord
Helix, God over this fandom we call home: Pokemon. Now as a loyal follower of our Lord Helix
and member of the chosen people, the Pokefans, there are some commandments that you must
follow in order to honor and bring glory to Lord Helix, and to improve your own life as
well. Upon these tablets, I have for you the Ten
Commandments of Pokemon. Should these be violated, dire consequences will result. Let’s begin. 1. Thou shall not have any games before Pokemon. 2. Thou shall not use a Master Ball on a Tentacool.
Or a Rattata. Or any of the sort. 3. Thou shall not ride thy bike indoors. This isn’t the time to use that! 4. Thou shall not claim the newer generations
suck, or that they’re running out of ideas. The word Genwunner will only be reserved for
those to be tossed into the fire with Dome in the end times. I mean Dome is water and rock type so fire
wouldn’t do that much to it– I’ll dome your rock if you don’t keep
your mouth shut! That sounds really provacati– 5. Thou shall give thy rival a terrible name.
Dildobaggins one of my personal favorites. There’s not enough room for all those characters– SO HELP ME DOUCHE CANOE I WILL SMITE YOU RIGHT
HERE AND NOW! 6. Thou shall not speak ill of thy neighbor’s
favorite Pokemon. Wow Sceptile sucks. 7. Thou shall not use Cresselia in competitive
play. I am so serious about this. No one likes you. 8. Thou shall not say pokeymans. But you just said pokey— *thunder* 9. Thou shall not be ashamed of liking Pokemon. Do you like Pokemon? What? No? I’m going to let this one slide. And finally, Number 10…Thou shall love thy
Pokemon as thyself. So those are the Ten Commandments of Pokemon.
I hope these have enlightened you on how to live a life glorifying Lord Helix, and bringing
honor to all Pokefans. I fear I must leave you now, for I have been called to part the
Lake of Rage. But heed these commandments, and you will have a long and prosperous journey
through all the regions of the world. Let us pray…quaza.

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About the Author: Oren Garnes

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