I Am A Barista By Day & A BDSM Worker By Night | Get Real | Refinery29

I Am A Barista By Day & A BDSM Worker By Night | Get Real | Refinery29


My first time in a dungeon was just, like, a whole life-changing experience. I walked in and there’s just an open playroom with just chains and whips everywhere. Purple lights and red lights flashing. Grunts and noises. Different rooms, different themes. There is no sex involved, it’s just all play. Doms and subs, switches. Littles, daddies, babies. Puppies, kitties. It was super inviting and everyone was super nice, and it was not scary at all even though I felt like I was on the dark web. My name is Africa. By day I’m a barista, and by night, I work in a dungeon. In my vanilla life, I’m very dominant. I hold a superior position in my job, so every day I’m giving orders. I don’t play as myself, I play as someone else. An alter ego. Her name is Envy Adams. She’s very feminine, she’s very shy. She wears lots of black and latex and leather. She is an evolving dom/sub/switchy sadomasochist. She’s just a kinky girl. In my normal day, I’m wearing joggers and a button-up and a backwards hat, and now I’m shopping for latex skirts and, like, nipple tassels. I kind of want to try this one. This isn’t who I am in a normal day. The main thing I think the general public needs to know about BDSM is, it’s a very consensual community. It’s a understanding, non-judgmental community. The shortness makes me feel more like myself, which I’m kind of going for the longer look. Kind of more of an alter ego, Envy feel. Gender and sexuality is not a big important issue there. It’s all about how you treat the person, and how you — your consenting and your negotiating of the scene that you’re gonna partake in. But this one… Yeah… Without bangs is okay? Without bangs is fine. Oh my god, I lo— I love it. I feel like a Spice Girl. When it comes to picking and choosing a play partner, for me, it’s just the skill they have. I’m not about looks, it’s just all about the performance. I don’t think people think about consent when they think of kink, they just think, “Well, they must not care if they’re doing so and so, and doing this and that,” but actually, like, without consent, we wouldn’t be doing these things. None of these things would be happening. You’re putting your life in someone’s hand and you could possibly get injured, lifelong injuries, or probably die. It’s not bad at all. Oh, whoo! Okay. That’s good. I felt my fingers. Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s probably a little less than halfway. So you still have room for more. Nice. Being sober during a scene is super critical. You don’t want to negotiate something under the influence. I’m always sober for my scenes. I am pretty new to this, so you know, the honeymoon stage, I guess is kind of still, it’s still there. I’m putting so much time, money and effort into this, and that really, like, shows up. It’s not a frenzy, it’s not just something I’m doing for the summer. Tonight’s ladies’ night, so I kind of really want to be as feminine as possible. I’m wearing a unitard and it’s all red, it’s very, very cute, very girly, so I want to look as girly as possible but a little more seductive. Going to these events, I learned a little bit about myself, or the part of me that I kind of put on the back burner. I’m very gender fluid, so starting the BDSM world, it helps me flow a little better. I feel more masculine some days, I feel more feminine some days, and even as Envy, I feel like, a little bit of masculine in me. I’ve just always thought of myself as a “simple”. Simple girl. But actually, I’m pretty complex.

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About the Author: Oren Garnes

88 Comments

  1. This video is absolutely amazing!! I personally am a BDSM lover, and it almost hurts to know how people judge the BDSM Community, using unjust stereotypes. They think that all the people in the community love pain and they're totally okay with everything, but that simply isn't true.

    In BDSM, it's not just about the pain, or about the play, it's more about the bond you have with the other person. How they are as a person, how you are as a person, how strong the bond is. Yes, you can get injured, both physically and emotionally, or even lose your life. But if the bond you share with the person is strong, and both the persons truly trust each other, then it is an exhilarating, pleasurable experience which also gives you an insight into your own life and personality.

    Being Androgynous and gender non-binary myself, I can really relate to how she feels. It's a strange and almost confusing emotion. Sometimes one feels too masculine, sometimes too feminine, and it in itself is quite jarring, if I may say so myself. BDSM also helped me a lot. It cleared up many doubts about myself, and I got to know more about myself too.

    The video really cleared up the doubts that people have about pain, consent and bonds that people share in the BSDM community and the trus people place on each other, and also touched upon subjects that people should know about, if they are planning to discuss about the topic.

    I'm really, really grateful that you made this video Refinery 29. I'm truly thankful and really happy that you did. Please keep making more such videos. Amazing job! Thank you.

  2. So you are seriously featuring a woman who is making a living by working all day and night, being a waitress and a sex worker to stand by herself in this fucked up neoliberal system and it's all portrayed and disguised as individual choices and independence. While hiding how women have surch a hard time to be independent and how a 90% of women in sex industry are poor and forced into, if not enslaved. Seriously, fuck you. Fuck you.

  3. When she said “my name is Africa by day I’m a barista night I work at a dungeon” I thought she was gonna say “Africa by Toto”

  4. I'm black don't take this poorly. Black women are very beautiful but have BAD taste. On average. That long dark blue wig was the best and natural looking but she choose the Striped Lime Green POM POM Pig Tails instead. I just don't get it. Plus nose contouring should look like a shadow, not two obvious streaks down your nose. Someone else has gone over the brows. Anyway NATURAL looking is BETTER by all accounts. Soften the look, delicate highlights not stripes.. Really.

  5. When you are a Domme it is another world of intense play and delights. The more creative you are the more popular you are in the Lifestyle. Creativity is valued more than normal beauty requirements of those who are vanillas. Having a medical background helps to prevent problems.

  6. Thank you for putting this together, but things she said bdsm has helped her discover I discovered without bdsm. Almost to a t, what she has learned and is learning about herself I learned from everyday life without the whole changing outfits/wigs/alteregos thing. How come? You are both feminine and masculine, you are more feminine in one setting, and very masculine in another ALL THE WHILE remaining in the same alterego/clothes/shoes. You want to be submissive with one type of people and be a leader with another all the while remaining the same person. At the end of the day who told you must one thing or another and "break the box" you need to call yourself gender fluid? Kinky I am. In my own way. Without joining any community. I think I am upset by the amount of labels that walk around these days. Before all of them meant "to be a human". Why did it change?

  7. Ahh so there is a such thing as being vanilla and bdsm lol didn’t know I could be both lol anyone else on thaat border line too ? ?

  8. Wow the title really caught my attention. Fascinating topic. Must be an interesting dynamic to play such different roles in the respective jobs.

  9. I really like her ♥ Seemes like a polite, nice and decent human being. She really looks like somebody else with the wigs on, but each and every one suit her

  10. Y’all are so UGLY she said she was NEW to make up and y’all attack her eyebrows. She said she was new to it.

  11. I love when someone is dominant in bed. But I don't like when people yell and hit and slap and stuff. I like it rough and playful and sweet at the same time. Passion dominance and respect! But these masks makes me scared. I would most probably have a panic attack if I saw this on him.

  12. Great video. I'm not sure what she does a worker but I like that you all gave her (a queer gender fluid POC) space to speak and be seen. People of color in BDSM is something I want to see more of as a Femme Domme, I know we are out there.
    And also I need info on the wig pieces. Thx!

  13. but what do they do in the dungeon?? does she like act out stuff with these people? do they actually have sex? is everyone in the same room or are there separate rooms? im so confused

  14. Interesting. Of course there's more to be learned but think the main points were hit for the video. Also I imagine her look is intentional.

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