How to gain control of your free time | Laura Vanderkam

How to gain control of your free time | Laura Vanderkam


Translator: Leslie Gauthier
Reviewer: Camille Martínez When people find out
I write about time management, they assume two things. One is that I’m always on time, and I’m not. I have four small children, and I would like to blame them
for my occasional tardiness, but sometimes it’s just not their fault. I was once late to my own speech
on time management. (Laughter) We all had to just take a moment
together and savor that irony. The second thing they assume
is that I have lots of tips and tricks for saving bits of time here and there. Sometimes I’ll hear from magazines
that are doing a story along these lines, generally on how to help their readers
find an extra hour in the day. And the idea is that we’ll shave
bits of time off everyday activities, add it up, and we’ll have time for the good stuff. I question the entire premise
of this piece, but I’m always interested in hearing what they’ve come
up with before they call me. Some of my favorites: doing errands where you only
have to make right-hand turns — (Laughter) Being extremely judicious
in microwave usage: it says three to three-and-a-half
minutes on the package, we’re totally getting in on
the bottom side of that. And my personal favorite,
which makes sense on some level, is to DVR your favorite shows so you can
fast-forward through the commercials. That way, you save
eight minutes every half hour, so in the course of two hours
of watching TV, you find 32 minutes to exercise. (Laughter) Which is true. You know another way to find
32 minutes to exercise? Don’t watch two hours of TV a day, right? (Laughter) Anyway, the idea is we’ll save bits
of time here and there, add it up, we will finally get
to everything we want to do. But after studying how successful
people spend their time and looking at their
schedules hour by hour, I think this idea
has it completely backward. We don’t build the lives
we want by saving time. We build the lives we want, and then time saves itself. Here’s what I mean. I recently did a time diary project looking at 1,001 days in the lives
of extremely busy women. They had demanding jobs,
sometimes their own businesses, kids to care for,
maybe parents to care for, community commitments — busy, busy people. I had them keep track
of their time for a week so I could add up how much
they worked and slept, and I interviewed them
about their strategies, for my book. One of the women whose time log I studied goes out on a Wednesday night
for something. She comes home to find
that her water heater has broken, and there is now water
all over her basement. If you’ve ever had anything
like this happen to you, you know it is a hugely damaging,
frightening, sopping mess. So she’s dealing with the immediate
aftermath that night, next day she’s got plumbers coming in, day after that, professional cleaning
crew dealing with the ruined carpet. All this is being recorded
on her time log. Winds up taking seven hours of her week. Seven hours. That’s like finding
an extra hour in the day. But I’m sure if you had asked her
at the start of the week, “Could you find seven hours
to train for a triathlon?” “Could you find seven hours
to mentor seven worthy people?” I’m sure she would’ve said
what most of us would’ve said, which is, “No — can’t you see
how busy I am?” Yet when she had to find seven hours because there is water
all over her basement, she found seven hours. And what this shows us
is that time is highly elastic. We cannot make more time, but time will stretch to accommodate
what we choose to put into it. And so the key to time management is treating our priorities as the equivalent
of that broken water heater. To get at this, I like to use language from one
of the busiest people I ever interviewed. By busy, I mean she was running
a small business with 12 people on the payroll, she had six children in her spare time. I was getting in touch with her
to set up an interview on how she “had it all” — that phrase. I remember it was a Thursday morning, and she was not available
to speak with me. Of course, right? But the reason she was
unavailable to speak with me is that she was out for a hike, because it was a beautiful spring morning, and she wanted to go for a hike. So of course this makes me
even more intrigued, and when I finally do catch up with her,
she explains it like this. She says, “Listen Laura, everything I do, every minute I spend, is my choice.” And rather than say, “I don’t have time to do x, y or z,” she’d say, “I don’t do x, y or z
because it’s not a priority.” “I don’t have time,” often means
“It’s not a priority.” If you think about it,
that’s really more accurate language. I could tell you I don’t have time
to dust my blinds, but that’s not true. If you offered to pay me $100,000
to dust my blinds, I would get to it pretty quickly. (Laughter) Since that is not going to happen, I can acknowledge this is not
a matter of lacking time; it’s that I don’t want to do it. Using this language reminds us
that time is a choice. And granted, there may be horrible consequences
for making different choices, I will give you that. But we are smart people, and certainly over the long run, we have the power to fill our lives with the things that deserve to be there. So how do we do that? How do we treat our priorities as the equivalent
of that broken water heater? Well, first we need
to figure out what they are. I want to give you two strategies
for thinking about this. The first, on the professional side: I’m sure many people
coming up to the end of the year are giving or getting
annual performance reviews. You look back over
your successes over the year, your “opportunities for growth.” And this serves its purpose, but I find it’s more effective
to do this looking forward. So I want you to pretend
it’s the end of next year. You’re giving yourself
a performance review, and it has been an absolutely
amazing year for you professionally. What three to five things did you do
that made it so amazing? So you can write next
year’s performance review now. And you can do this
for your personal life, too. I’m sure many of you,
like me, come December, get cards that contain these folded up
sheets of colored paper, on which is written what is known
as the family holiday letter. (Laughter) Bit of a wretched genre
of literature, really, going on about how amazing
everyone in the household is, or even more scintillating, how busy everyone in the household is. But these letters serve a purpose, which is that they tell
your friends and family what you did in your personal life
that mattered to you over the year. So this year’s kind of done, but I want you to pretend
it’s the end of next year, and it has been an absolutely amazing year for you and the people you care about. What three to five things did you do
that made it so amazing? So you can write next
year’s family holiday letter now. Don’t send it. (Laughter) Please, don’t send it. But you can write it. And now, between the performance
review and the family holiday letter, we have a list of six to ten goals
we can work on in the next year. And now we need to break
these down into doable steps. So maybe you want
to write a family history. First, you can read
some other family histories, get a sense for the style. Then maybe think about the questions
you want to ask your relatives, set up appointments to interview them. Or maybe you want to run a 5K. So you need to find a race and sign up,
figure out a training plan, and dig those shoes
out of the back of the closet. And then — this is key — we treat our priorities as the equivalent
of that broken water heater, by putting them into our schedules first. We do this by thinking through our weeks
before we are in them. I find a really good time to do this
is Friday afternoons. Friday afternoon is what
an economist might call a “low opportunity cost” time. Most of us are not sitting there
on Friday afternoons saying, “I am excited to make progress toward my personal
and professional priorities right now.” (Laughter) But we are willing to think
about what those should be. So take a little bit
of time Friday afternoon, make yourself a three-category priority
list: career, relationships, self. Making a three-category list reminds us that there should be something
in all three categories. Career, we think about; relationships, self — not so much. But anyway, just a short list, two to three items in each. Then look out over the whole
of the next week, and see where you can plan them in. Where you plan them in is up to you. I know this is going to be more
complicated for some people than others. I mean, some people’s lives
are just harder than others. It is not going to be easy
to find time to take that poetry class if you are caring for multiple
children on your own. I get that. And I don’t want to minimize
anyone’s struggle. But I do think that the numbers
I am about to tell you are empowering. There are 168 hours in a week. Twenty-four times seven is 168 hours. That is a lot of time. If you are working a full-time
job, so 40 hours a week, sleeping eight hours a night,
so 56 hours a week — that leaves 72 hours for other things. That is a lot of time. You say you’re working 50 hours a week, maybe a main job and a side hustle. Well, that leaves 62 hours
for other things. You say you’re working 60 hours. Well, that leaves 52 hours
for other things. You say you’re working more than 60 hours. Well, are you sure? (Laughter) There was once a study comparing
people’s estimated work weeks with time diaries. They found that people claiming
75-plus-hour work weeks were off by about 25 hours. (Laughter) You can guess in which direction, right? Anyway, in 168 hours a week, I think we can find time
for what matters to you. If you want to spend
more time with your kids, you want to study more
for a test you’re taking, you want to exercise for three hours
and volunteer for two, you can. And that’s even if you’re working
way more than full-time hours. So we have plenty of time, which is great, because guess what? We don’t even need that much
time to do amazing things. But when most of us have
bits of time, what do we do? Pull out the phone, right? Start deleting emails. Otherwise, we’re puttering
around the house or watching TV. But small moments can have great power. You can use your bits of time for bits of joy. Maybe it’s choosing to read
something wonderful on the bus on the way to work. I know when I had a job
that required two bus rides and a subway ride every morning, I used to go to the library
on weekends to get stuff to read. It made the whole experience
almost, almost, enjoyable. Breaks at work can be used
for meditating or praying. If family dinner is out
because of your crazy work schedule, maybe family breakfast
could be a good substitute. It’s about looking at
the whole of one’s time and seeing where the good stuff can go. I truly believe this. There is time. Even if we are busy, we have time for what matters. And when we focus on what matters, we can build the lives we want in the time we’ve got. Thank you. (Applause)

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About the Author: Oren Garnes

100 Comments

  1. So when people tell you they don't have time to spend with you what they are really saying is that they don't want to spend time with you.

  2. I'm sorry but that's not taking into account how much that water heater incident most likely set her back with time

  3. Stopped watching halfway through the video, fixed my broken water heater (figuratively) and came back here to watch the rest. Thank you!

  4. the same as my idea. I think that time management is key to life control for reaching life-working balance. Thank you.

  5. This video made me reflect on how I manage my time and prioritize my tasks. Her tips may not apply to every case and situation but still a nice rule of thumb. Love the way she delivers her speech though 🙂 she has great energy!

  6. I hate it when this happens…
    https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/threelly-ai-for-youtube/dfohlnjmjiipcppekkbhbabjbnikkibo

  7. My biggest problem is taking large goals, breaking them up into 'tasks', and then prioritizing the tasks.
    It's time for a nap.

  8. 5:55 Write Next year's review
    What 3-5 things would make it a great year for you professionally?

  9. She lost me at 9:14; what about basic survival chores: grocery shopping, cooking, sleeping, driving to and from, taking a shower etc.. and energy is not unlimited.

  10. I like this talk, I think the bit about priorities is true…but the bit where she breaks down the numbers of hours available to us is a bit misleading. If you take out 8 hours for sleep, and 8 hours for work, ostensibly that leaves you with another 8 hours of "free" time. The reality is that of that 8 hours, a good portion is spent on the logistics of the day (morning routine, getting up and ready for work, actually traveling to and from work, doing chores and errands, fixing meals). And let's not forget the fact (and this is backed up by research – read Baumeister's book 'Willpower') that willpower and executive function and mental energy is a finite resource, so even in the little time we do have truly left to us in the day, we often don't have the physical or mental capacity to do all of things we want to do in that time, because we aren't machines – we need downtime. And when we "look at our phones" etc…that actually is fulfilling a legitimate psychological need, to unwind and not be on the clock, to have a portion of your day, however small, that isn't spoken for and weighed and measured, especially when you've already had to sell most of your productive energy that day to your employer just to get by.

  11. It's not always about the amount of time, but the time of day, or timing and convenience or inconvenience. Also the right quality or uninterrupted time. In the morning we are more cognitive to do tedious tasks and paperwork. We can't eat too late, or stay up too late. House chores must be done and daily time suckers like getting ready, cooking, washing clothes, putting away the clothes, walking the dog, exercise, etc, etc. We have family time, or time with your partner. And then time to wind down before bedtime. Getting the car repaired, watching TED talks, trouble with the washer, your PC, doctor visits, waiting for the BUS or Train every morning, working overtime. Every day you want to do more, it seems like more distractions happen, but then if you have no desire to do anything extra and all of a sudden nobody is calling you. It's frustrating.

  12. Subtracting work + sleep from 168 hours doesn't give you your total free time. You have to subtract commuting, chores and other things that eat into the day. She has some good points but she over simplifies it.

    Basically don't say you're too busy say it's not priority. And if it's not priority but it should be then address how you define your priorities.
    And don't waste time on your phone. Job done.

  13. Want to save your time, Getting your priorities right is the way, if you're just looking at the comments before you're watching the video.

  14. did that woman have to take a day off work though for the plumbers? I agree with what she's saying but you might be prioritising stuff over being with your children or work. What if we have too many important priorities?

  15. Well, this is one side of the problem, but the other thing is to force yourself and have the enough discipline to do the things you want/have to do.

  16. Not being rude but I've been doing self-meditation & improvement for the last 5 years. I'm a little skeptical about what he is saying. Just a few minutes of attention won't get you what you wanted in life. It is good to follow technique for small goals like losing weight, eating healthy, get good grades but beyond that if you want to run a successful hedge fund ( just like him ) you do need a certain amount of geniuses and a little bit of luck.

    It's a total crap if you believe that you don't need smartness or luck to get rich.. just a few minutes of the attention. I have tried his technique for the last 3 months along with others so-called self-motivational technique to achieve my goal ( which is one and only ever since I can remember — improve my income to fulfill my dreams ) & I can tell you certainly that it doesn't work.

    THE ONLY AND ONLY THING WORK IS EITHER YOU HAVE VERY BRIGHT MIND OR YOU HAVE BEEN BORN IN THE RICH FAMILY ( JUST BECAUSE YOU READ SOME BOOKS AND WATCHED SELF MOTIVATIONAL VIDEOS DOESN'T CHANGE YOUR LUCK OR YOUR BRAIN CELLS TO ACHIEVE THINGS THAT MOST PEOPLE CAN ONLY DREAM OF HAVING .. ).

    I CAN CHALLENGE ANYONE HERE TO FOLLOW HIS OR EVEN AS SMART GURU AS TONY ROBBINSON TO ACCOMPLISH THREE THINGS:-

    – HAVE EXPENSIVE MANSION TYPE HOME

    -. HAVE COUPLE OF EXPENVISE SPORT CARS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY

    -. BUY A BEACH HOUSE ( OR A VACATION HOME SOMEWHERE EXOTIC PLACE)

    -. RICH ENOUGH TO HAVE A PRIVATE JET.

    -. AND HAVE TROPHY MODEL WIFE.

    I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT IT DOESN'T WORK. AND IF YOU DO HAVE THOSE THINGS OR SOMEHOW EVENTUALLY FOUND OUT A WAY TO ACCOMPLISH THAT — THEN IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE FOLLOWING SELF HELP GURU OR FOUND A MAGICAL VIDEO TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE OR A BOOK.

    BUT IT'S BECAUSE YOUR GENIUS ENOUGH TO HAVE BRIGHT MIND TO EARN BOAT LOAD OF MONEY OR inherited OR you're LUCKY ENOUGH TO BORN IN A RICH FAMILY.

    I'm not here to sabotage anyone's video or the book or anyone's hard work but just saving time for all of you.. that self-meditation is total crap. stop wasting time. the only thing you can do is work, and if you're lucky, you'll end up on the other side of the coin & have material things that you've been dreaming off or you will be on the same side and pay bills and taxes like 99% of the world population and play by the rules.

    S

  17. this ignores alot of factors; energy, ability, will power sources, mental state, whether they have the financial ability to prioritise other things to make use of the limited energy they have. great point, and applies to many people but just some other factors to think about.

  18. 접혀있는 색지가 포함된 카드는 뭐고 가족의 명절카드는 뭐예요??? 아오!!!!!

  19. Hey can you help me gain control over my time. My current working day schedule is:

    Wake up at 7am and get ready for gym training at 8.15 leave gym at 9.45 come home, shower, prepare breakfast and get ready for work at 12.

    Work from 12 till half 10 with 30 minutes lunch break.

    Get home at 10.40pm have a shower and eat, by that time it is 11.45pm

    Maybe watch a bit of Tv while I’m having dinner.

    Go to bed at 12-12.30

    Repeat. I have 2 days off a week.

    Help me.

  20. The broken water pipe 7 hours delayed my week work hours 7 hours, then I will have to do these 7 hours sometime in the soon future

  21. Best key to time management is to treat priorities first
    We can't make more time, but time will stretch to accommodate what we chose to put in

  22. this talk is very good. i mean the talk reminds me that we are wasting a lot of time in each day. we have a lot of work to do but we still don't know where we start to do. the key is schedule. i love this talk

  23. this talk is very good. i mean the talk reminds me that we are wasting a lot of time in each day. we have a lot of work to do but we still don't know where we start to do. the key is schedule. i love this talk

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