[Screeching tires] ♪ ♪ [phone ring] Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What?
Oh. Scout, it’s Pauling.
Tell me you got the briefcase. Yeah sure. And nobody saw you? Ah. Basically nobody. Scout, I’m here right now. Well, that’s a funny story… Hello, Mrs. Pauling!
We killed everyone and took a briefcase! Not everybody, Soldier.
You left seven witnesses, guys. [Gunshot] Six. Pauling :
Look, just keep the briefcase safe, okay? Have a good weekend, guys. Goodbye, Mrs. Pauling!
I’m leaving the van now! Bye bye. Okay then. Hey, hey, Mrs. Pauling!
Before you go. Ahh— [Scout stammering] Scout. What? Say something. You’re probably real
busy this weekend, right? Funny you should mention that. Um. Looks like I will be
burying bodies all weekend. So that you don’t go to jail. Oh g-good. So we’re both busy. [sirens] Oh. Got to go. Lot of people busy with business. SPY:
Asking out that dial tone again, I see. Go to hell, Spy! Hey, look at all this.
What have you two eggheads been workin’ on? Nice catch. Yeah. Listen. Ah… We’ve been running some
experiments on the teleporter. Well yeah.
Y’all ought a take a look at this. [Teleporter sounds] Scout:
Wow. You can teleport bread. That is. Big news. Um.
Is the Demo back with the beer yet? Whaaaa! What the hell is that?! Tumors. Y’all know what this means right? Soldier:
Ahhhhhhh! We cannot teleport bread anymore! Engineer:
Whoa! Whoa… Not exactly, Soldier. You teleport as much bread as you like. That goes for all of ya. If there’s something any of y’all
wanted to do before you— Well. Died.
Now would be a good time. Spy:
How long before these tumors kill us? Well, let’s see. We all use the
teleporter let’s say six times a day. Times four years.
Minus we’re not bread. Hmm. Three days. Yes.
We all have— three days to live! Wooooooooooooo!! Wooooo! Woo. What? Spy: This is a bucket. Dear god. There’s more. No! It contains the dying wish
of every man here. Scout. You did collect
everyone’s dying wish? You bet! Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize
your death watches. [beeps] We have seventy hours to live.
For most men no time at all. We are not most men. We are mercenaries. We
have the resources. The will. To make these hours count! The clock is ticking, gentlemen.
Let’s begin. Our first dying wish is Scout’s. He’s— drawn a picture of
me getting hit by a car. I have something radiating off of me. Yeah, those are stink lines. That’s why
the car hit him. Cause he smells. Yes I see. Here you’ve drawn
me having— sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower having
sexual congress with me. Both of us relaxing post-coitus. [silent mouthing] I’m crying and the Eiffel tower has stink
lines coming off of it. Did anyone besides Scout put a
card into the bucket?! Scout: Classic scout.
[giggling] Fantastic. This was a huge
waste of my time. You did not read mine. [Sigh] Does it say you want the bucket? Yes! See you all in hell! [Gasp] [Door knock] Go away. Hey, ah, got a second? Oh, Scout. Please.
Go [bleep] yourself. Yeah. Hey that’s, that’s funny.
Um. Anyway I— [Scream] Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow.
Come on, Spy. I’m wedging my head through a door here
to tell you I’m sorry. Make it quick. So I did write down a last wish. I’d, ahh. I’d like to
go on a date with Mrs. Pauling. You? You’re terrible with girls. What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this. And this. And this here.
Spy, look at all of this. Heh. No. I’m great with girls. We got buckets of chicken.
Wanna do it? Eh. Okay. You, Spy. You are amazing with ladies. You know, classy ones. The kind that
smell good and can read. And always have their glasses on just
kind of crooked. You know? The ones that don’t go for a guy like me. Hmm, and why is that, do you think? C’mon, Spy, I don’t know. Well, a mystery we will take
to our graves then. Goodbye. Wait. Wait. Ah. [Sigh] Okay. Look. Fine.
Spy. This never leaves this room. [Sigh] You are better than me. All right?
I need your help. I’ll do it on one condition. [Mic re-verb] Say that again. Seduce me. You? Seduce me. What, Spy? I ain’t gonna… Seduce me! Right. Right. Okay. Hey there, good lookin’.
I got a bucket of chicken. I’m not one of your friend chicken tramps! I’m a woman. I like my men dangerous.
Mysterious. You want to be my lover?! Earn it.
Seduce me! ♪ ♪ Spy: Final question. You have a dinner
date for seven. What time do you arrive? Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run
background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not I got to
kill him. Dispose of the body, replace him with
my own guy, no later than 4:30. You’re ready. Really? No. Everything you just said
was insane and we are out of time. Congratulations. You’re a failure. Oh. I failed, did I? Yes. Did I? Yes. Did I? Scout, where is this going? Where it’s going is I don’t need you.
I’ll put this date on myself. Yourself? That’s right, fancy pants, myself. So why don’t you take your little
failure, roll it up sideways and… Okay, crap, I got to go. Screw you though. [Alarms] Y’all ready? Ready! Oh. [roar] [scream] Ah hell. [Alarms] You’re ready. All right.
[Deep breath] Ahhhh! Mrs. Pauling. What an unexpected surprise. They took the briefcase.
Don’t worry, we can fix this. We’ll get it back and the
Administrator never has to know. You look. You look… Ahhhh. Demo: Drunk! Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round!
Demo: Blurry! Ravishing. Pauling: Uh huh. You too. Hold on. That’s the briefcase right there.
Scout, you… Are you having a prom? Yeah. Nah. Yeah ah. Well the.
Yeah, the thing is. Guys! Hey fellas, listen!
It’s just bread that gets tumors. It’s not even tumors. It’s some
form of self aware beauty mark that— that only metastasizes
in an environment of pure wheat. Here, watch this. Oh look. It hates me so much. [laughing] So we’re fine. As long
as nobody teleports any bread. Question. What’s your question, Soldier? I teleported bread. What? You told me to. How much? I have done nothing but
teleport bread for three days. Where?! Where have you been sending it?! [Rumble] Scout. I get one day off a year
and you just wasted it on— this! Goodbye. Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah. Why don’t we
discuss it over diner? [Roar] What the hell is that?! Mrs. Pauling, run! Now, doctor! I think it’s going pretty well. Now go. Hey, Mrs. Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry. God, Scout, what for? Pressing the
one button you’re never supposed to press? Do you have any idea
what’s in a briefcase that… Oh! Oh! Give me your watch! Yeah. Exactly. See that is where
this all starts. No, actually wait… [Scream] Ha! Ha! Ha! I teleported bread! So that brings me to the point
of this story, which is I like you and— you should probably be sitting for this. Guys! Close the blast doors! Mrs. Pauling. Look, my last
few hours I just wanted… [Roar] Come on! Um. Never mind! Pauling: Run! Oh god! [Screaming] Ahhhh. Ah. Mrs. Pauling, you all right? I can’t feel anything below my neck. Oh God. Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow. Oh God, I am so sorry. This is… That was so much fun. You’re not mad? I was furious. Oh my God, you
set off the briefcase alarm and— you were having a prom for some reason.
But then there was this monster and— we shot it and we built a bomb
and I think my leg’s broken. Can we do this again? Yeah, sure. Wait, nah. We can’t. I’m going to be dead. Wait, what? Good news! We’re not dying!
We are going to live forever! I didn’t say that!
I just said we’re not filled with tumors! Oh thank god. So ya Mrs. Pauling. I guess it’s a date. Actually this was my
only day off this year. Oh. Oh, but you can ride
along with me on some jobs. Pauling: Tomorrow I’m belt sanding the
finger prints off a pile of corpses. Scout: Ah. No. Pauling: Oh you can help me yank the molars
out of a box of heads. Scout: No to that. Well, on Friday I have to kill someone who
pressed a briefcase alarm button and…oh. You’re already going to be at that one.
Watching this after the Overwatch 2 trailer,and gotta say, this is so much better in almost every way.
Soldier: I've done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days.
Me: I've done nothing but watch this for 3 days…
Wait is she killing scout ??
Listen What she Said at the end
7:00 – 7:17
This part is to awkward, and it's hilarious
Dear Valve
more movies please
4:20 He Bucket
I think soldier and his obsession with teleporting bread is hilarious
I played TF2 For animations and beacuse of This!
But my TF2 don't open anymore, and i Can't play It anymore. 🙁
Doctor: You have 70 hours to live.
Soldier: teleports bread for 70 hours
Ok enough training,
Time to visit your mother
7:00
"Good news! We're not dying! We are going to live FOREVER!"
I tought since air was mostly smoke only pyro was able to enter in spy smoking room
6:53 me teaching my homie to get a gf
Seeing Spy telling Scout to sedice him is all the creepier when hes actually his dad.
Medic: we all use the teleported 6 times a day over four years minus we're not bread that's three days
That's some quick maths bruv
A classic.
Can spy have a taunt where he pushes a table, throws down a rose, and says “seduce me” 😂
Scout: "you look… um…"
Demo: "DRUNK"
Soldier: "ROUND. SOFT, no ROUND"
Demo: "BLURRY"
SEDUCE ME
14:24
Soldier’s reactions are so pure and wholesome
This game is an icon among the gaming community.
This will be Meet The Miss Pauling.
Spy is bisexual confirmed
They really need to make a TF2 Netflix show
I want a team fortress 2 tv show now
5:37 speech 100
I love it when soldier acts like a dumbass
Now I understand why Spy is smiling at Scout when he tells him to ‘roll up his little failure’
who wouldn't want to teleport bread for 3 days straight.
weekend well spent
Spy, the man who can literally disguise himself perfectly as any other person, and he just decides to stay looking like a middle aged French terrorist
So is nobody going to mention the fact that miss Pauling is going to kill scout for the pressing the briefcase alarm button at the end?
2019 guy want old bison back please.😁
3:00 Lol
"Seduce me!"
"You're better than me"
EXCITED SCREAMING "What?"
"Minus we're not bread"
LOOKS AT BREAD WORRINGLY
GOES TO KISS BREAD, THAN THINKS BETTER
"I have done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days"
All the classes' (that actually spoke) best lines.
8:23 Basically my whole school reputation
God, this game is amazing.
was spy's dying wish to be a decent father for once?
half of this video was Spy giving Dad lessons to his son
1:35 Hard Hat Jones discussing about the time he made bread with boogers.
2:01 made me laugh when heavy looked at his sandwich
S E D U C E M E
I realize it’s a crazy situation where they could have all died, and if someone yells at you to close the blast doors, you’d probably go and do it, but it’s still nice they immediately accepted her plan. Even though they’re also used to having to do that. Shows they’d really accept Pauling’s as one of them and trusted her intelligence on improvising a plan. Because if you’ve got a person who can help you survive a monstrous gluten loaf, you’ll all probably be able to get out of anything.
“ok crap i got to go”
“screw you though”
8:44
Dear god someone please make a ft2 tv show
9:00
Why are they scared? Their respawn time is only slightly longer than blu’s
3:00
You guys are here for this
12:43
Notice how the sentry isn’t shooting because the bread monster isn’t blu
I TELEPORTED BREAD
The ultimate bread
I made an sfm and it was garbage compared to this
“SEDUCE ME!!”
Spy and scout are father and son.
Let THAT sink in
Nobody:
Spy: SEDUCE ME!
i wish someone looked at me like Mrs Pauling at that bomb
i love at the end the pyro is playing with bread
Spy 2:39
seduce me scout
What?
Seduce me
Eehh
SEDUCE ME
I have 2 questions
1.did Archimedes survive?
2.what did pyro see?
“Ive done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days.”
Soilder-
10:50 that should be a meme
Couldn't the medic just use his medigun to get rid of the tumors?
😐
RED BREAD
Finally, some good fucking food.
I wish this was a show so bad
3:00
3:00
This is a bucket
s e d u c e m e
This is why overwatch will never have the same charm tf2 has.
I think MERASMUS is controlling the engineer voice in this short
6:47 one of the most awkward things for training
Tf2: this is Overwatch
People: DEAR GOD
Tf2:it’s a ripoff
People: NO!
The breeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddd in teleport 3 days!!!!!!
i feel like 9:45 isnt getting enough love
7:43
So you’re telling me Scout can read?
"I have done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days"
All these years and I never realized that Archimedes gets absolutely devoured
"We have the resources, the will, to make these hours count!"
spy literally relaxes reading a magazine and smoking 2 minutes later
im gonna freak out if team fortress made this on source film maker.
Or they created source film maker.
Im a genius.
“We both got buckets of chickens, want to do it?”
Miss pauling has such an Apropriate Reaction "What the Hell is that!!!"
Poor scout.
Is no one not going to talk about soldier having nolan north's voice on 12:26
Heavy is just chill about tumors killing him lol
3:00 Spy's honest to God shock that Soldier is so lacking on the Intelligence department XD
just got recommended this
Meme 4 sale
2:59
Costs 1 like
Edit: also the soldier is an idiot lol
No one talk about spy nose at 3:04
And turn little bit at 3:06
"Oh! Scout! Please!…Go fuck yourself"
You look you look ehhhh
Drunk
Round
Blurry
Seduce me
Seduce me
Seduce me
Soldier said it himself, they will live forever
Still better than most feature length movies. In fact better than, realistically speaking, about 97% of all movies
"If there's anything you wanna do before you die.. now would be the time to do it"
virgins have joined the chat
11:59 No one is going to talk about the AWP sound effect?
This was what introduced me to TF2
Overwatch?