– Hi, I still don’t know
what I’m about to say because I’m a big, stupid idiot. You can go to dropout.tv to
start your free trial today. For every episode of
Breaking News that’s here, there’s another episode only
available on dropout.tv. Until next time, I’m Grant O’Brien, which is Irish for Grant Of Brien. – [Announcer] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. (dramatic music) – I think Scottie Pimpin
can dunk me, easily. – Pimpin?
– Yeah. – Scottie Pimpin?
– Yeah. (chuckles) (gasping) (thunking) – Good evening and
welcome to Breaking News. – The show where we don’t
know what we’re about to say and we aren’t allowed to smile or laugh. – I’m Makat but you can
call me Potato for short. – And I’m (fakes burping) (snorting) the 2nd. – Coming up tonight, researchers ask could not getting enough
sleep be making you Italian? – And a new study predicts
that Tiktok will get old, fast. – But first, rub-a-dub-dub,
is that a turd in my tub? (laughing) (thudding) (laughing) (dramatic news music) – Today, Grace, the lady soap company, is under fire for
releasing a new campaign, calling all women nasty little goblins. – Yes, this morning, their
social media accounts posted a picture of a goblin, and then tweeted the words, “All women are this.” (snorting) – According to Grace, the message
was meant to be empowering and encourage women to embrace, quote, “their tiny little goblin toes “and a huge honking goblin (beep).” – This is especially concerning for body positivity advocates as
well as parents, like myself. To my daughter: if you are watching, you are not a goblin, big or small, you are a beautiful scaly
lizard and that is enough. – The company has yet to
apologize for the post, adding that all women are goblins and all goblins are beautiful. – Thank you, (burps). (snorting) – That wasn’t fake. (laughs) It’s (fake burps). – [Potato] I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to (laughs) interrupt you. We’re getting some breaking news from the Scripps National Spelling Bee. We go live to our man in the
street, Claustrophobic Nick. What are you seeing, Claustro? – W-E-I-N-N-N-E-R, is that
how you spell ‘Winner?’ Only the new Scripps National Spelling Bee champion would know. Today, an 8-year-old won
the annual competition after successfully
spelling the word (beep). – What was the word, Claustro? – (beep), defined as: the (beep) is the (beep) of the backside. – Oh, that’s a tough one. How do you even spell that? – Well, throughout the competition, contestants repeatedly
spelled it incorrectly. Some spelled it B-U-T-T. Some spelled it P-O-O-H-O-L-E. But the correct spelling
was, in fact, A-N-U-S. – Wow. Wow. Wow. – Wow is right. Plus, just before that,
the boy genius also correctly spelled the words Val Kilmer, a mystery word that only pigs know, and the entire first page of the bible. How did he do it? I have no idea because I’m illiterate. – Thank you, Claustro. In other news, the
oldest woman in the world was born today at 800 lbs and 6 oz. – Plus, for the first
time in over a century, an iguana has won the
biggest goat contest. – And more on anything but that, we turn to Big Pants on the weather. Over to you, Big Pants. – [Big Pants] Thanks, Potato. Actually, I wanna start out by making some corrections to yesterday’s weather report. Firstly, I wanted to
apologize for ending the night by screaming, “Dig your grave now “because lady earth is hungry.” I also should clarify that
I did, indeed, repeatedly mix up the terms El Nino
and La Llalorn, Llalorna, which is to say there will be no rain but a terrifying female ghost will be terrorizing us for the next few days. – Very informative, Big Pants. I’ll get my gun.
– Also, I’d like to thank everyone who sent in submissions to name our next hurricane. Finalists include: Hurricane
Sky Piss, Hurricane Ansel, Hurricane Big Piss, and Hurricane Lance. – Okay.
– And, finally, if you have allergies, you
should definitely stay inside because there is a pack
of wild dogs on the loose. Arf.
– Well, that’s all the time we have. Tune in tomorrow for a special
edition on outer space. – We ask, “Awoo.” Oh, “Aroo.” Did those dogs the Soviets shot into space back in 1957 get hot? – And Houston, we have
a problematic (beep). Why the Mars Rover will not stop begging NASA for more beef. – Before we go, we should announce that this week’s loser is–
– Tao! – [Big Pants] Aw come on, are we sure? – Thank you for watching.
– Thanks for watching. – Why is Katie saying it? – Yeah, where did she come from? (howling) (howling) (thumping) (slurping) (arfing) – [Announcer] And now for the weather. If you’re a fan of Breaking News, the forecast is light and sunny because there are 10
episodes of Breaking News that will only be available on dropout.tv. Go to dropout.tv today and
don’t forget your sunscreen.