Derek Zemrak & Bikini Planet

Derek Zemrak & Bikini Planet

Creature Features Interview With The Vampire Godzilla vs Destroyah Dark Shadows Children Of The Corn Carrie Haunted Mansion Hellraiser Boy In The Dark Phantasm Interview With The Vampire The Ghost & Mr. Chicken Sleepy Hollow Alien The Addams Family Creature Features The Evil Within Madhouse Jacob’s Ladder Trilogy Of Terror Munster Go Home Sleepy Hollow The Amityville Horror The Fifth Element The Shining Dawn Of The Dead The Ghost & Mr. Chicken Interview With The Vampire I Am Mother Creature Features Dead Birds Godzilla vs Destroyah Dracula (1974) The Shining The Haunting The Terminator Alien Covenant Phantom Of The Paradise Dark Shadows The Possession of Hannah Grace Zardoz Dawn Of The Dead The Shining The Amityville Horror The Terminator The Legend Of Hell House The Milpitas Monster The Shining Planet Of The Apes there must be some kind of mistake there’s no mistake
but but the viewers shall protest they will appear as a mob upon our doorstep fitted
with pitchforks and torches no they’ll like it it features a planet that looks like boobies that is
your problem welcome to Creature Features the
impressionable young lass to my left would be the delicate and perilous
Tangella the bloke over to this side who does not
give a tinker’s damn about his employer’s stellar reputation tipping on
the verge of tarnish would be my easily replaceable butler Mr. Livingston and
I dear viewers am your humble television presenter Vincent Van Dahl
oh boy do we have a show for you tonight first up we’ll be showing a movie for
what I am sure is the first and one can assume will be the last time it shall
ever appear on television entitled Bikini Planet this movie is bad no it’s
not so bad it is good it is so bad that one might call it appalling awful
horrendous and perhaps even loathsome and offensive as well if there are any
children at home watching it’s time to switch your telly to a different station
go on good now that we have only adults in the audience I can tell you that this
film is rather lurid expect many anatomical jokes and worse but it’s
science fiction and you’ve likely never seen it before so I suppose it’s quite
good enough for a repulsive little program like ours and joining us as our
guest will be the wonderful Derek Zemrak the director of tonight’s film
who other than the cinematic calamity is an all-around lovely chap he’ll tell us
about how he made this film and more importantly why he did so as well
and he’ll also tell us about his fabulous collection of Hollywood
memorabilia so don’t go away because it’s going to be another night
of pure humour and smite right here on Creature Features Stay tuned what time is it you know what time it is it is Creature Feature time and we are with
the elusive Derek Zemrak you you know he’s been talking about getting you
on the show for so long and it’s like well when is he gonna come on the show
you guys I don’t know here you are here I am I made the big journey you did the trek in bad
weather no less in bad weather fog all that eerie stuff well you know if you’re
gonna do a spooky show it should be a spooky trip right exactly all right so Derek
created this film we’re gonna watch tonight can I call it like a slow-motion
train wreck you can call it whatever you would like it’s a fun movie it’s maybe a
bit inappropriate so if there’s any children watching out there we already
warned you do not watch this movie I think we’re gonna have to put one of
those disclaimers parental advisory things on the broadcast but no you made this film
in 2002 Bikini Planet that’s correct you know I think in 2002 I was still
learning how to play guitar you know the fact that you can do it you know when
you watch this film just ask yourself if you could do better I know I could not
that’s not saying much so were going to watch your film but more importantly
you are a memorabilia collector you’ve brought some amazing yeah thank you
Hollywood and you’ve owned theaters and you kept it in a theater yes and you’ve
got something called CP TV that’s on roku
that’s so this is a man that’s been although the and he squeezed in a movie sounds
wonderful all right let’s get that started when we come back I’ve got I
think 10,000 questions get ready thank you all right you guys stay with us
we’ll be right back after next break space we know so little about it for centuries
man has gazed upon its shimmering glory in awe the great unknown or is it how
much does the government tell us how much do they really know what is out
there who is out there what you’re about to see is a story of someone who knows
just how much the government does know or at least what’s left of a survivor he
claims the government has covered it all up all the people but he are missing and
there’s no record of their existence but he knows it’s true a drunk a nutcase or
maybe a lost lonely soul just looking for someone anyone who’ll listen he asked you to judge for yourself and
to look to the sky and beware by my calculations Im a do believe
that a 10th and 11th planet once existed in a solar system really professor why
do you think that you remember the asteroid a belt that we were studying
last week yes professor well I do believe that the asteroid belt was a
formed when two planets collided into each other hence the formation of asteroid belt we see floating around right there now as we speak
here Billy now Billy you take a look here take a look for yourself see lots of
asteroids uh Billy yes billions my theory is that what do you see is the debris of the
Lost two planets of the solar system that collided together thousands of
years ago now Billy I’m a know speaking about two big
planets the size of Jupiter no no I’m speaking about two big planets much much
bigger than that and I believe that when the collision takes place the two
planets fuse together to form one bigger jigantic planet NOW when they
collide they fall out of orbit but only to return on one day here Billy I’m
gonna show you something hold a this I want you to take a look at this ancient
a caveman drawing drawn over 10,000 69 years ago my proud possession I may
note now notice a long time ago is 11 planets 1,2,3, ta see now only
nine what happened to the other two huh I’ll tell you what happened
they think I’m a crazy but I know it was a fusion that causes the asteriod belt crash bang a boom bam the whole thing would form into he sky, Professor? what billy? what is this strange-looking thing? what strange-looking thing let me see let me see I can’t believe it I can’t believe it
right there she’s a great right there is a correct Billy you found it i could kiss you found what? the missing two planets of
the solar system here take a look I see that must mean they return every ten
thousand sixty nine years it has returned to our orbit Billy Billy we’re gonna
have to name it the planets its traditional you know now what do you think 10 11
10 11 why becasue there the tenth and eleventh planets hey that’s very good
Billy very good but no no I think we should name it after ourselves let’s see
after all it was you who see it first and it was my theory right let’s see so
we could use our last names so what do you think
yeah we’ll name it big breasts no no no we name it big briest in the old country
my name is a breech D D but when I come to the United States I take out that D D
and it’s only briest big briest is the name okay and that is how the planet big
breasts um rather big briest got its name sorry I’m late oh we’re just
getting started no big del son its okay Billy let’s pray
God thank you for this food we are about to eat
amen amen how was the day son it was unbelievable I was visiting the
professor that nut case excuse me I forgot the biscuits you’ll never guess
what I saw today in the professor’s telescope I saw big breasts Billy here you can
see it on your own telescope take a look where now take a look my god you’re right listen general my
theory goes a little bit the further what what is I do believe that the
planet has a life on it horrible strange creatures very interesting how do you
work up if you show me come here I’m gonna show you now look at the drawing real
real close you see the nonhumans in this right now and they have a de strangest
bodies top there’s a much much larger than the bottom half very strange
strange creatures this could be dangerous even this one over here
even the ears on this one are odd they go almost a down to his shoulders Professor your gonna have to contact the president United States I’m gonna need a crew brave crew loyal
men journey where no man has gone before who knows the horrible creatures they
may encounter one small step for man and one gigantic leap for mankind welcome back to Creature Features we are
watching Bikini Planet it’s a different thing than we normally do and the man
responsible for this atrocity is sitting right next to me Mr. Derek Zemrak
you know 2002 that was like you know you did not have all the technology that we
have now no 17 years ago and we you try to make it work
it was probably shot on tape yes it was mini mini DVD digital mini tapes and so
so this is your first film and I understand you’ve done more yeah no it
wasn’t my first film this was my second film my first film was called Ice Scream
so you have one that’s worse than this one it’s worse than this one yeah maybe on an off week
we’ll show that one so alright so you did the first one Ice Scream and you said yes yeah well a lot
of my friends had gone into film film school and they said they were gonna
make a movie they’re gonna make a movie and I was like not at film but I was
actually an actor and I said you know what you know why aren’t you guys making
movies and they’re like going well you know we’re gonna make one we’re to make
one and then I had actually was flying to Paris and I wrote this script based
on my short film short story that my sister wrote and it came back and I met
one of my friends I said come on and I put it on the table I said here’s our
script we’re gonna make this movie so that was Ice Scream and that was the
first movie I’ve ever made so and it was actually written up in the LA Times as
one of the best of the worst movies ever made
along with Plan 9 from Outer Space and Roller Boogie so I accomplished something your in
good company really big yeah Ed Wood exactly
you could be the new Ed Wood well that’s what they said in the article but that’s
wonderful in 1997 so what did it cost to make this film Bikini Planet cost a whopping
three thousand dollars three thousand that was in like 2002 money so it’s like
3500 right and actually I you know still get checks today so still get checks today
yeah from whom from DVD sales and streaming I’m in the wrong business you’re not gonna
retire on what I get but at least I get you know a few bucks out of it that’s
incredible so how long did it take you to make the film we actually shot iit n
five days we shot it in everything Oakland yeah and we actually shot the
bad scenes of the spaceship we’re actually shot in a warehouse and we
built it in in Hayward and so it’s all Bay Area’s all Bay Area yeah Pleasanton
Hayward and Oakland so and it was so funny because we got permits you know we
were legit we were in The Hollywood Reporter that we’re shooting this film
and we were were shooting one day in a park in in Oakland and as you can tell
you know the girls are scantily clad and we have a little person
Shorty Ross from Pit Boss that at the time wasn’t Pit Boss but he became Pit
Boss and all of a sudden the cops show up and they think we’re shooting a porn
oh no in the park and we had to stall and in great Ed Wood fashion I was like
telling the co-director just keep shooting just keep shooting I’ll talk to
the cops and we had to get this shot because we had permits most indie
filmmakers just gorilla shoot yeah well we did get permit and it was it was
legit and they were shooting another big film in Oakland so there’s like the film
office didn’t care what we were doing but it was was obviously something that
we we had to get this shot so police told us to get out of the park all right
I want to see more now okay let’s get back to Bikini Planet and we come back
we’re gonna talk some about your theater sounds good off we go
Bikini Planet stay with us general general who? yeah yeah go ahead put him on yeah general Harry
what’s up aliens what are you talking about a new planet
an alien damnit man we’re gonna have to do something about it
hey why don’t you just hold the line and I’ll check what some of my people here
see what we’re gonna do okay yeah I gotta check with my advices hold on ahh the damn phone every time I’m ready to read a
good story on aliens the phones got a ring
yeah just keep ringing because I feel like choking you to death yeah it wouldn’t be right for the vice president to choke the phone would it yeah just keep ringing keep ringing all
right I guess I gotta answer it hello this is
the vice president speaking Yeah John its bubba we got a situation here seems like one of our one of our scientist has discovered a new planet yeah and he thinks there’s aliens on
aliens on the new planet I knew it I just knew it they do exist yeah yeah
yeah I know John I know what you think what are we gonna do about it that’s easy
bubba All you gotta do it is get a team
together and go and get him that’s a great idea John General you still
there yeah good here’s what we’re gonna do
about we’re gonna get a crack team of astronauts we’re gonna shoot him up to
that planet Hello everybody hey listen up listen up Genereal Poirier has sent all of our information over to the pentagon and the pentagon has informed the general here to handle the mission this is a 4 star general 5 star general excuse me thats nine stars mister im am 9 star general Dana hardball Poirier and don’t you forget it and wipe that smirk off your face soldier I eat scum like you for dinner you can fight me anytime now
listen up everyone power up the telestrobe now I want you
all to pay attention the president is about to speak to you just what am I suppose to say
good this thing working oh its is huh on wow fellow countrymen as your president well maybe not all
of you because we’re still checking your green card mister anyway as I was saying
I want to wish you Godspeed on this suicide mission yet
who wrote this they’re not supposed to know that they may never be coming back
damn her she didn’t have such a great set of maracas I would have tossed her
out on the cute little butt anyway as your president I want to say Godspeed
and come back real soon yeah yeah yadda yadda yadda president out thank you for the
words of wisdom mr. president what’s that red light that thing still on well turn it off erase the tape now listen up men and
you to Jane and dicky now when you get to the planet
make sure there’s no aliens but if there are wipe them out if necessary I don’t
see any reason not to wipe em out I thought our mission was to observe not
to destroy damn it flash don’t whimp that one on me now those aliens have two
heads and they’re probably gonna eat the one that you have the only good alien is
a dead alien you just remember that my boy good luck Thank You general we won’t
let you down and it’s some good looking it out the hell did he say he said there
won’t be an alien left when we return you are a true patriot
Edison idiota pueto thank you I salute you soldier i just cant stand long goodbyes was it something i said Juan looks like you better go clean the
top deck hello crew I am Val your onboard computer
please give me your full attention for the pre-flight check Hey are you some
kind of moron put the paper down and listen thank you first please attach
your safety belt take one end this is the tree the other end is the bunny who
have the bunny go around and under the tree and pull the two ends tight make a
loop on one end and have the bunny go around it and he sneaks through the hole
grab him and pull tight you should now be securely fastened in your seat Um i think we have a little problem here, please shut up no umm there
is one exit on the StarCruiser 9000 in the event of an emergency emergency
lighting will light on the floor directing you to the exit where the exit
will pop open suck you out and you will float endlessly in space for the rest of
your life which fortunately for you will be short since the oxygen supply in your
spacesuit should you have time to put it on will last about 16 hours if oxygen
should be needed while in flight an air bag connected to the compartment
above you will drop down as demonstrated now at the route fellows seat even
though the bag is not inflated oxygen will flow through the line after you
give a light tug on the line in case of an emergency landing please lean forward
put your head between your knees and kiss your ass good-bye thank you for
travelling with star cruisers space shuttles and have a nice day the brave crew deterrence takes off on
a dangerous mission not knowing what they would find there welcome back to Creature Features Mr.
Derek stepped away I think he’s gonna grab something to show us maybe perhaps
maybe anyways it’s a time we normally do letters and we’re gonna do letters but
obviously Tangellas rather bubbly tonight which is a good thing right it’s better then when
she’s I don’t know no well when she’s in that foul mood she does not blow bubbles she
blows things up true story indeed all right let’s do some letters what do you got oh
my goodness this is why are we getting all these long letters now it’s that
time of year please do not write novels to us well unless you say nice things
then it’s okay all right here we go dear Livingston Tangella and Vincent thank you
for showing the White Zombie it was a long time ago the traditionalist and fan
of the old classics I can’t seem to get behind the modern version of a zombie as
shown regularly in films and TV shows such as The Walking Dead I am with you
on that not that change as bad as far as it goes to make the creatures more
interesting but just to say it’s not my cup of tea but then I’m 72 you write
quite well for a 72 year old I must say I must agree in principle with your
guests contention that this was Bela Lugosi’s favorite film
I think it’s obvious that his character in this film was more normal than most
of his other roles and he always struggled to get just that type of casting
he managed to minimize his accent fairly well in this film which is what
we had often been a problem in his career anyway thank you for keeping
Creature Features alive with your interesting guests and horror classics
and give my best to Livingston and Tangella the three of you really make the
show well thank you sincerely as Dennis Mattos Sr. and he sends his regards
to you too so wave to wave to Dennis there we go all right what’s up next sir
another novel let’s it’s all right I can read fast all right this is from Jim Hutchinson
and Sharon Anne Hutchinson 72 as well Jim is 72 this is like the night of
72 we should be showing a film from 1972 tonight of course we’re showing this
this this bucket of disaster all right here we go we found you guys last week
my wife was afraid that your show was a one-time deal but we waited this week
and after the normal people stopped talking about this College Ocean
Community College your show came on 11 it is not listed in our on-screen
program guide it is strange because the school does not have a four-year
mortuary science degree but be that as it may your show is a perfect cap off to
my Saturday programming that includes the Polka Show The Opera The Three
Stooges Svengoolie and your show you watch too much television sir but if
you’re gonna skip anything don’t skip our show thank you for the hard work
that you put into every show and with every show I learn about a good Class B
movie I learned this week oh 10 10 this a couple of months old sorry
for the late reply that I own a copy of The Ape with Boris Karloff thank you
again for some time that I waited for every Saturday all right well thank you
there in New Jersey yes what’s the nice place I like New Jersey
Ocean County Toms River Ocean County I think I know the station they’re running
us on a college station out there thanks for writing a mortuary college it is
so he says you just made that up all right a package who is this from let’s see it says Gary Jordan in where
Dayton Ohio I like Ohio as well all right there is a item in here but let’s look at the
letter first all right we’ve got new cards and photos this is wonderful it’s
it’s like getting a tour of Dayton this and more you know I’m gonna send this to
somebody and make them think that I visited Dayton oh and here’s here’s the
Wright brothers look Wright brothers it’s not the real ones I think they’re
just dummies look at all this oh look at it shows it shows the space capsule I
think this one went to the moon you know almost all of our astronauts are from
Ohio really yeah I don’t know what it is
about that state that makes people want to leave the face of the earth all right
and let’s see there’s more cards this is wonderful all right let’s read the
letter he goes Vincent Tangella and Mr. Livingston greetings and salutations
thought I would drop you on the line enjoying that I’m enjoying the program a
lot I remember a fondness for Tom and Jerry and I attached clipart for you
Vincent I’ve enclosed a happy Halloween birthday card for your October birthday
thank you I’ve also enclosed a DVD set for Tangella
titled Gantz Japanese horror anime set now how did you know she likes Japanese
anime it’s for Livingston to keep Tangella occupied so he can get some rest I’m
enjoying the program keep up the good work all of you well thank you so much
Gary that is a wonderful gift and Tangella I believe it’s going to be quite pleased
she watches that stuff all the time you know right unfortunately unfortunately
that is it for mail if you’d like to send us a note by email use the address
you see appearing here well if you’d like to send it by mail like Gary do it
to this address here we’ll be right back with Derek Zemrak but first we’re gonna
get back to Bikini Planet stay tuned alright buddy up lets get to work I’m okay not that any of you care you say something dicky you
savages you don’t care about me at all now as we get closer to the planet
Jane I want continuous readings on all life forms and Juan keep us on a warped
four track go to warp two as we close to within ten thousand parsecs Oh
flash you have every details so under control I hope someday I can command a
ship as well as you hey amigo Europeans okay – placement
entails Pantalone aye yeah amigo ya Juan thanks for that report
Juan says we’re on track and looks like clear sailing ahead well Jane if you’re done
kissing Flash’s ass maybe you can come over here and kiss mine that sir or
whatever that’ll be quite enough everybody back to work
Dicky get to your station the crew continued about their work for
a week then one day it happened Meteors started to hit ship as they pass
through the asteroid field ship went out of control and crashed on the planet
big briests Jane Juan Dicky are you okay, si senor what is it are you hurt my hair do you know how long it takes me to
do my hair of the morning I think you’ve never even noticed my hair oh
yeah sure I did Im gonna kill the general when we get back to earth Everybody get to work, we gotta repair this ship First Jane let’s see if we can sustain life
on this planet I’ll try to contact the professor of the telestrobe make sure he
knows we’re okay Flash the atmosphere is slightly simliar to earth but its safe to breath professor come in professor this is the endurance
professor yes endurance I read you are you all
right professor we were bombarded by meteors and ended up crash landing on
the planet oh I’m so glad you’re all safe
listen be sure to check out for signs of life but to be careful there may be
dangerous totally unknown to us a humans we’re gonna check out the repair ability
of the ship as soon as we’re sure that it can sustain life well be careful and
be sure to check in later to make sure you’re safe okay sure thing professor
endurance over okay everybody can’t get things together first we’ll check
out the ship then we’ll do a survey of the area while the crew prepares to leave a short
distance away the inhabitants of the planet have become aware that a strange
craft has landed on their planet the inhabitants have long been waiting for
the arrival of the great one leadership from the sky as foretold in their
ancient writings the planet’s atmosphere has a very high level of silicon which
makes its inhabitants have unusual anatomy features and at this time as queen of boobalonia im proud to announce that as foretold by our
ancient ancestors the arrival of the great one may be upon us I’m about to
send a welcoming party to approach this strange craft and bring any people back
to me we can only keep our fingers crossed that the ancient writings are
about to come true I will let you know more as soon as I know more ODeena
take a search party and bring any survivors back to me at once by force if
necessary inhabitants have lost the ancient
technology they once had which included the ability to travel the Stars it is
written that the great one will return and have a way to replenish the silicon
levels which have been diminishing slowly for centuries since the Queen has
been courting it for herself Odeena where the rest of the squad hunting on the chinking ridge a spaceship crashed in the queens valley the Queen has ordered us to check out the site lets leave the
transporters here and get the rest of the squad nessa Halt you are the prisoners of queen Numnum of boobalonia you will follow us to the queen of die oh my I’ve gone to hell no one tells Flash rodgers what to do oh my what a shot thats not happening to me if you put it that way i give up Hara you take the transporter we’ll
take the prisoners back to the Royal guards welcome back to the show we are watching
Bikini Planet 2002 made by this guy Derek Zemrak you know the way you laugh
when I when I bring up a little film that’s like you’re still laughing at
this it is because it’s so funny because I a lot of times people will play it
when I’m somewhere and it always gets a laugh because it is funny and makes fun of the genre
must have been hilarious to create it was very funny to create you know that’s what filmmaking should
be this whole mess they had with Star Wars and re-shoots and and all that I bet
nobody was laughing on that set we were laughing at ourselves but that’s about it on your set
I’m talking about Star Wars those guys were paying all right well what in god’s name have
you placed next to my head that is in an original prop from The Mole People The
Mole People which was like 1950 something seven I believe I’m holding something from
1957 yeah that was in that film yes we haven’t even shown that film yet have
we you should it’s a good one and I think it look how small the head is it’s not a mask it’s
filled with foam right it’s filled with foam rubber but if it was a mask this would not go
on my head right has nothing to do with my hair I’ve got an unusually large cranium yes
I have to go to big and tall store to buy chapos terrible this is in fine shape considering it’s rubber
it’s not silicone that’s probably why right right because they
all the new stuff they use silicon on it like dies in two three years this is amazing
how’d you come across this um in auctions I mean I’m a memorabilia
collector and in theaters that I own I have a lot of exhibits I change it up
every all the time so these are not open for people to touch they’re behind cases
yeah so tell us about some of the things you have we have currently on display we
have an animation display right which we have actually the the cell Porky
Wrestler which is actually Mel Blancs first animated film and we have the
actual original still from their production still that must have
cost a fortune uh well it’s all in the the luck of the draw I think so and when
you buy things and we also have Dom DeLuise jacket from Best Little
Whorehouse in Texas I was actually gonna wear that today that would have been wonderful would it fit
actually sadly it does I think he was a lot smaller back then I’m hoping because it’s like I don’t it shrank no the
coat shrank over that film came out in what 76 yeah probably around there yeah and actually
on display right now we have Frou from Austin Powers her outfit is in on
display and we actually have Kurt Russell’s this is all yours yes and we
actually have Kurt Russell’s football uniform from Best of Times with Robin
Williams that he starred in which is actually called his character was called
Reno Hightower you do not keep all this is the theater it’s all at the
theater and we rotate the exhibit all the time right but it sounds like you
have a huge collection and it lets you keep it all at the theater no no okay
well somes in the basement yeah but in most cases it’s it’s in storage or is
at my house or so this is the Orinda Theatre Orinda Theatre which you own in Orinda
California that’s correct and it’s one of those old-school yeah
built in 1941 is actually supposed to open in on Pearl Harbor Day single
screen three screens it was originally a single screen 750 seats in 1941 like I
said it was going to open in Pearl Harbor Day but it obviously did not
it opened in December 27th and after that in 8 1986 they were gonna actually
tear it down and the town fought against it and they actually built two more
theaters next to it so it’s actually three screens currently my goodness that’s fantastic
yeah all right let’s get back to the film and when we come back we’re gonna show
something else right sounds good all right off we go back to Bikini Planet
be right back as you order your highness here are the creatures from the craft well Donna Donna now be off with you
welcome to Boobalonia I am Queen num-num and this is princess Nibby who are you
and where are you from I am captain flash Rogers of Earth and this is my
crew dr. Dicky pointer Jane Uhura and Juan
Caramba we come in peace our ship crash-landed on your planet when were going thru the meteor storm where is this earth earth is a planet
we’re all from a place called Silicon Valley Silicon Valley you must tell me
more of this place we will help you repair your ship while you are here in
Boobalonia you may roam freely and we can exchange knowledge of the planets and
this Silicon Valley where you are from now you may leave and princess Nibby will
show you around Nibby she is from Silicon Valley she must be
the great one show them around find out as much as you can about them even if
she isn’t the great one subjects will think she is and it’ll be great PR for
me go Flash Juan Dicky and Jane are shown around the kingdom of Boobalonia by princess Nibby and here is the building which houses
the breeders of Boobalonia breeders yes breeders we have two breeders who
take care of all the breeding needs of the women on this planet just you have
breeders on your planet not in the same sense that you’re talking about let me
introduce you to our top breeder Samson come here I’d like you to meet our guest from
Planet Earth this is Samson he’s a very popular
breeder he handles eighty two point nine percent of all calls eighty two point
nine percent you mean somebody keeps track of course we have to keep up with
their satisfaction rating so we know when to retire them as breeders excuse me Princess Nibby so what is your rating well I never got
a complaint never let me see I have an idea
Jane do you like to try Samson or maybe one of our other active
breeders Jerome Jerome come down here okay Jane
go ahead take your pick princess Nibby I think you have the wrong idea flash is
not my breeder on our planet males and females get to choose who they want to
be with Jane let’s not be too hasty I mean you you remember what the
professor said we have to learn everything we can about this planet
so princess Nibby you mean I should choose between either Samson or Jerome
that’s right Jerome this is Jane Jane this is Jerome
oh and Jerome I would like you to teach the male’s a little bit of a lesson on
being a breeder hey there I am Jerome I’m horny than a 69 piece
brass band there hi Jerome no no Jerome like this the ladies like it like this you
there try it a say Jerome like this no no if you want to be a breeder you
gotta learn how to move your hips oh come here oh oh me let me try puts a little s into it oh he’s Jerome good oh Jerome ah not the tongue well Sampson i guess its you let’s go never a complaint huh never hey hey flash oh how was it oh I didn’t
enjoy it at all what about for you it was the most incredible time i’ve ever had from a scientific view of course how
was it for you oh I have a headache all she did was kept slapping me in the head
and tugging on my ears In here as you saw before it’s a breeder
station that houses the two active breeders who services the needs of the boobalonia women hey Samson so it’s Jane pleased
she seemed to be my princess ooh we don’t have many like him on earth did you say
Earth’s take me with you please I can’t take it no more they are wearing me out
I’ve been here for 1069 years of course I thought it was a dream come true but
ever since mr. hydraulics over here came he ruined everything
picked him up from the pylon nebula and things have changed please take me with
you I cannot take this no more guards Odeena take him away I can’t take it take
me with you please come on Big Boy time to please no not again please take me with you oh my leg oh wait you have a fly on
your head hold on I got it oh my Juan you’re on your own Sampson
you’re with me that’s right professor it seems to be a
very peaceful planet and the habitants are quite friendly but something seems
not quite right listen this is amazing the discovery you must have learned all
you can about them their way of life their rituals their traditions
everything I think I’ve learned enough already
they have some very unusual customs we’ll fix the ship as soon as possible
there absolutely no threat to us at all hey is that is that new new intern still
there yeah yeah well yeah yeah tell her not to go away I have to make a couple
of little teeny-weeny phone calls all right yeah right okay Odona I want you to take
two guards to the ship and have them help with repairs while they help with
repairs I want them to learn how to fly the craft so we can use it to go to
earth and get the needed silicone do not tell the princess about this plan maybe
they could accompany them to the earth to join in a cultural exchange a ehh yeah thats it a
cultural exchange go it’s an actual gun from Lost in Space
before we talk about this this film you know the whole thing with the silicon
right it’s not quite appropriate for a young audience now is it Silicon Valley
silicone silicone enhancements well the thing was is that I when I originally
made this movie I was trying to make a spoof on Queen of Outer Space which is a
Zsa Zsa Gabor movie which was a female planet that was you know inhabited by
all females so in this one I was trying to modernize it so I said well that they
live off silicone and they store the silicone in their body parts Silicone Valley yeah being
a Bay Area film use that joke it all ties together right Tom our director was laughing
hysterically when you were telling me about this he could not tell the story without laughing
historically so yeah alright this this is an actual prop yes
from from the actual show Lost in Space yes it’s a gun it’s a gun this is
beautiful it’s an expensive gun actually you paid a lot for this a few bucks
that’s okay that’s wonderful so did you get any details like which
person used it or was it like this is like one of the crew ones right it came I
mean I should have brought it up but it came with a photo it was the two these
two people Marta Kristen was holding it Marta we know Marta yeah was she on the show she
who she’s supposed to be suppose she will be this year okay good right shes good we hung out
at Wondercon in Reno oh nice we became friends with oh she’s sweet yeah
so this is just resin and stuff but it’s an original prop yeah I mean that’s the
thing is a lot of people don’t realize how you know Hollywood props they’re
just really simple but when they’ll on camera it looks so much different right
right no not on our camera this will probably look terrible but it’s actually
in very nice shape considering its what 50 years old yeah 50 plus fantastic and
you acquired this at some kind of auction I imagine yeah a julienne auction
20 years ago close look at this some of the detail
it’s quite nice isn’t it all right so you also brought this viewmaster wheel
yeah we all love viewmasters you’ve you failed us here because you did not bring
me a viewmaster to view them with so this makes me sad I was looking forward to stereoscopic
views of the Lawson Space Crew I have to take a rain check on that this is one of the originals I imagine yes in
the early 60s yes is it difficult to find and you don’t want to bend these because they have like a little metal
inside right so you know I think you need to start a museum where people do not have to
pay to watch a movie at your theater to see those things right yeah they don’t I
mean all this stuff’s on exhibit at the Orinda Theater and people can enjoy
it and this is an ongoing thing that you rotate yeah every three months I rotate
the stuff out fun yeah just because it’s like why have it at my house where
nobody can see it and just put on display this is the type of collector
the world needs there’s one who shares we’ve got friends at the local theater
here and they’d never do anything like that
here now we’ll show you like popcorn from the Bush administration that’s all
you’ll get all right what do you say we get back to your film sounds good all
right back to Bikini Planet you guys stick around because we’ve got something
really cool coming up be right back and they’ll help you repair anything you
want on the ship thank you that will definitely help you
speed the repairs maybe we get even leave sooner than expected coming and going
is not very polite great I’m kind of hot so any place we
can swim around here yes follow me we’ll stay here and finish the repairs we are
not tired Odeena how are the panel’s up there 100 pecent jacked up oh my queen it’s worse than I thought it’s just an
absolute mess up there everything is scattered all over the place I don’t
know what we’re gonna do my highness and the oxygenator it’s not
connecting to the keyboard and the monitors down and the tubes aren’t connected and
that thing isn’t lighting up either where’s the manual we can’t seem to
locate it it must have got thrown around in this lost under a lot of the rubble
up there all the pool you have to leave tonight you must
fly tonight we are working as hard as we can my queen we must have that silicon
what about the beaner babies for the princess
I don’t want to hear that again now move it hey Juan why dont you hed back to the ship check out the other girls are coming
along somebody needs to do it go get out of here yes I got the oxygenator working Oh
excellent oh okay we’re getting there hey we’ve got I’ve got the guidance
system up great keep going keep going we are almost there but we’re running out
of time I got the three three monitors are looking good okay and are the images coming thru who’s this i dont know whose this guy oh my goodness gracious oh you where did you come from come sit down ohh you have a seat have a seat very big even better much bigger than Jerome we are just gonna have some fun eww wow eww hot something else what did he just say i dont know check the translator you are a stud he said thank you come again
he wants more he must be a breeder Wow this is our lucky day
hmm oh you must have done something wrong
let me try hey let’s try his ears okay he must be broke geez we broke him your highness we must thank you with the
help of your guards the repairs to our ship are almost complete we might even
be able to leave tomorrow no I mean I insist you stay for a short while longer to celebrate the feast of boobalonia then you may leave, i still have many questions for you we’ll think about it and contact our people on earth thank you what are you up to they think they are going to leave but as
soon as my guards learn how to fly their ship they will no longer be needed we will take their ship to earth and get the silicone we need they are not the great ones but they do have a purpose
for us endurance to earth endurance to earth come in professor earth here hello Captain Rogers hey you looking good how’s the things are gone
huh very good professor the repairs are
coming along extremely well the Queen has had two of her guards help us with
the work and it’s almost complete we could leave tomorrow but the Queen has
asked that we stay a little longer she wants us to attend this festival of
boobalonia what do you think well as long as there’s no danger I see no problem
with your staying a little longer and learning more about the their culture but
listen you should take plenty of pictures of a dying to see what they
look alike and they certainly are different sir I guess we can leave after
the festival we’ll report in after we’ve taken off endurance over okay and be
sure to share knowledge earth over that all he ever says share knowledge I’m so
sick of hearing that will you shut up Dickie excellent this will give us the chance to
learn how to use their ship I’ll share knowledge with them but they’ll never be
able to return to Earth with it Could you take a message to the Queen yes
please tell her we’d be delighted to attend the festival as her guests she will be very pleased we’ll come back tomorrorow to finish the repairs of the ship thank you I’ll bet I’ll see you all in the morning good night Jane goodnight dicky good night Juan buenas noches good night
flash good night john-boy everybody shut up and let’s get some sleep Flash Flash dont bug me Flash i need you what I just saw the
princess take the ships manual she what I just saw the
princess take the ships manual we’ve gotta get back tonight without the
Boobalonians finding out sounds like a job for a man’s man bed open No i wont need that Dicky you must succeed for all mankind
for all mankind oh Dicky we cant trust the queen how can we trust the princess what about the princess of course
we can trust the princess she’s our friend some friend she tried to steal our ship let’s just
get ready for the festival and remember be careful make sure the Earthlings get
the drinks with a knockout drugs in them after they pass out I want them all in
prison immediately then we will have their ship to use as we wish as you wish
your majesty Guards a toast oh thank you oh thank you yes I just love your hair you know my hair was so damage in the rocket crash welcome to the feast of boobalonia a
toast to our guests eat drink and be merry
this year we have something more to celebrate the feast and our guests bring
out the entertainment Guards tie them up get them out of here
no one is to be left in and they are not to leave either if they do you’ll die where is the other one
you mean Dicky I think he is with Princess Nibby Nibby Nibby welcome back I am sitting next to the
Creature from the Black Lagoon but on the other side of him is Derek Zemrak
our friend who created tonight’s film Bikini Planet but you know he’s got lots
of good stories to tell if you’re a collector of things and of all things
you’ve collected this one is unique tell us yeah I think that’s actually from the
original mold of The Creature from the Black Lagoon and the paint and the style
is actually exactly the paint colors that they used so it’s beautifully done
so and this of course is not something one can wear because no it is fiberglass yeah this
is incredible it’s so funny this is how I am with my collection I have to call my
friend Lance who’s who’s here but I had said Lance do you have that head because
it’s like I don’t know where I lend these things off to he goes yeah I’ll bring it up
you should get a database a reminder six months somebody owes you the Creature of the
Black Lagoons head yeah where is it so he’s produced this film but he’s done
many more since and you’re working on a new one yeah which is a remake of
Nosferatu yes which is actually with Doug Jones who actually played the Doug
Jones yes who’s been in everything behind who played the
water creature yes in Shape of Water which is a tie-in to the Lack Lagoon and
Doug Jones plays Nosferatu which is a role that he’s always wanted to play
he’s perfect for it and what we what we did is we actually took the original
footage that was shot a hundred years ago right and everything was green
screen so when Doug is walking down the street as Nosferatu it does the footage
that was shot a hundred years ago so it’s a it’s amazing film so this will
be a black and white film no it is not black and white
we actually colorized in and we actually made it talking colorized the original
footage yeah background yeah the backgrounds are colored so that must have
been an enormous amount of work yeah it was a lot of work and any CGI takes a
tremendous amount of time and we plan on the film we’ll be releasing this year in
2020 and will this be something we could see in the theater will it be online no we
we hope to you know to go in to theaters and right yeah
well it’s got Doug Jones yeah Doug’s great he’s just wonderful person so yeah
fantastic and what was this film you said you did
with James Franco yeah that was a couple years ago was actually called King Cobra
with James Franco Christian Slater Molly Ringwald and Alicia Silverstone and so
that’s everywhere viewers see even though this film is heinous it leads to bigger and better
things Doug Jones is Nosferatu and and who would have thought the person that directed the Bikini
Planet would be in the producers guild of america so I think you know keep going
I need to to go into the film business one should start with like you know a good B thats right
B maybe a C movie maybe D I don’t know D minus Z my name Z this is fantastic and obviously you’re
doing much better things than you did in 2002 which is fantastic means your getting better all
right what do you say we finish up this film sounds good all right so exciting
Bikini Planet we’re gonna close it up and we’re going to find out what Mr.
Derek is doing next so you guys stay with us please where are you Nibby scream if she finds
you here she’s gonna go crazy hide where are you you insolent child She’s coming No not there oh god oh Dicky no not the fireplace get over here oh no not the plant Dicky come here come here and get on that bed Dicky get on the bed quick oh she’s coming lay down Nibby we have captured the crew they are
locked in my chambers have you seen the one they call Dicky no no he was here earlier but he’s gone
now whoa Nibby it’s a good thing you didn’t
go to the festival you really need to shave those legs yeah we must find the
last earthling and imprison him with the others if he resists he will be beheaded what are you doing nothing then shave
those legs and help us find the earthling I have to go I have to go save my friends i ah have to go save my friends well then I’ll go with you to help Ok Ok yes oh Jerome that is so much better addona where are you addona, have they captured the fat one Dicky no they have not found him yet but they are
still looking I do know that the other prisoners have just regained
consciousness your highness good we’ll get some information out of them yet
those little worms get out of my way maybe we don’t need all this stuff well you
think we need this this Dickey you think that after we rescue your friends we can dethrone the queen and put me on the throne why do you have diarrhea or something no silly god I’m gonna be Queen Ill tell you something I wouldnt be as mean as her
and I would be friends with all the Earthlings besides you and I have
something to share Guard let us in I don’t have the authority
but I’ve caught the earthling and I want to tied him up with the others Guard how are the prisoners doing you
Majesty Princess Nibby is in the other room She’s captured the other earthling Get out of my way its the queen quick quick so nice to see all of you together good
job Nibby found this one snoppying around outside Hey Jerome Don’t worry about the Queen she’s a bitch Don’t try and flirt with me you will be the first to lose
your head Odeena go back to that ship and get it ready to take off yes your majesty as for you you little puff dragon what are you doing Guards come here Guards Guards i want you to kill them kill them all why aren;t you doing anything do something its about time someone puts you in your place you’ll all die for this
not anymore you see now I am the Queen Counting down ten nine eight seven six your not getting off this planet I don’t think so you
will do whatever we say this spray is our secret weapon and you will do our
bidding hey hey go easy with that stuff you know it’ll drive him crazy he must be immobilized Now lets go to earth Countdown Five Four Three Two One Blast off we better have them report to Earth so they
know the ship is coming in good idea flash report to earth endurance to
earth come in come in earth yeah hey flash good to see you how’s the things
going we are on our way back to the planet our mission is complete so soon I
thought that you were staying longer our mission is complete
flash are you all right you sound kind of funny our mission is
complete I’m bringing back some inhabitants from the planet come meet
the professor ladies holy cow look at those knockers we will
be landing at area 51 shortly as planned general hard baller just got to here
general I’m gonna take a look at these aliens I don’t want to see any slimy
blood sucking aliens who the hell gave you permission to bring it back to earth
you trying to infect the whole damn world the hell is the crew the crew is
all busy damn look at those oh wait till the president gets a lot of those are
you guys recording this for the president yes crews all busy endurance over well done flash yes but he shouldn’t
have told him about us true but they are expecting us in area 51 now so we’ll
land in Silicon Valley pick up the silicon and dump him off yeah okay No No this is kinda nice what about me right general hardball what the hell do
you want now mr. president we’re sending you some tape on the telestrobe I think
you should view it immediately yeah Oh general general I’m really busy busy
right now take just a moment sir it’s coming over the telestrobe now just use
your remote ahh damn look at those poor old guy you know can’t quite figure out what they did to him on that hellish planet why you seen her straight to jacket we
had to he just sits here he slaps his forehead tugs on his ear Your highness the guards have returned from earth leave us alone your majesty we have replenished the silicone tanks
who cares just leave us alone but your majesty we’ve brought you something else
also leave us alone beaners your majesty what beaner babies we brought you six from
Earth wonderful Do you have anymore we just brought you these but on earth there are many more and some are very rare and beautiful oh Beaners I want more More More More if you wondered what happened to the
rest of the crew that stayed on Booboloania and the president well first off
the president was recently asked about aliens and he had this to say ahh aliens they’re all little green men the president
of the United states should know what color they are some
intelligence Department I’ve got and we got any more of this super duper spot remover
and as far as the others jane married Sampson and it seems the
silicone in the atmosphere has had an effect on her overtime Dicky has
married Princess Nibby and they share the prize beaner baby’s collection but
besides having strong feelings for nippy he’s noticed other changes yeah Nibby baby i gotta go Yeah two littles Dicky is that you Tell me about it vixons Juan has become a breeder in
Boobolonia he likes it but not quite the same for the ladies and flash well he
sits in a top-secret military hospital all day long repeats the same phrases over and over and over ahead warp speed out there dammit Jim I’m a doctor not a magician warning warning aliens approaching we’ll give her all she’s got captian she can’t take it anymore that’s not logical captian Beam me up Dicky beam me up and so ends Bikini Planet you know I I
simply have no response to this film what can you say I don’t know what to say although I did notice
at the very end there was a doctor that looked rather familiar looked rather familiar probably 20 years
younger but 20 years younger but still handsome man handsome now and you know it’s important
that you do a cameo like Hitchcock exactly are you doing this in all your films
no I I’ve kind of stopped doing it so I
suppose after you’ve done it a few times it becomes a chore yeah it was we’ve never shown a film
like this before so I have no idea what kind I don’t know what that means no i mean it’s just it was different it
was different yeah typically we have people come up to us at conventions with their
children and say oh yes we watch as a family every Saturday night I’m sure gonna be
getting some agony responses for them what did you think of the film you know for someone who uses explosives quite regularly it can be a bit of a
prude sometimes it’s understandable I mean it you know the film might be more
offensive now than it was in 2002 oh yeah for sure sorry if we offended anybody we didn’t
mean anything I’m sure you didn’t mean to offend anybody back in 2002 well I probably was
but you know may all your thongs come true thats the tagline of the film all right what are
you doing next I’ve got a couple of films that I’m in projects right now and actually I got a
web series on ZPTV called and ZPTV is your thing yes it’s a roku channel it’s just
a roku channel but it’s got all kinds of stuff yeah all kinds of independent
films original web series we actually just produce Big Dog which actually
just aired which is actually stars Shorty Rossi from Pit Boss who was in
Bikini Planet so this is a channel on roku if you don’t have one of these devices you should
get one for like 50 dollars they’re like 75 dollars you hook it up to your TV and all of a
sudden you’ve got all this free stuff yeah and ZPTV is a subscription service
though there is a servicing service and and a commercial oh so you can go both ways you
can go both ways i guess no nno thats it’s important because you know if they
don’t get a chance to try it out right they buy they wont subscribe so alright
well how can we learn more about you and your stuff you could actually go through so it’s just which spells no C Zemra Im spelling it out in the air
it will appear when we broadcast and they go to that website they’ll be links hopefully to all these things
that we’ve done if you liked this movie you could get it on link on how to purchase it absolutely wonderful
well thank you but before they get go we’ve got something for you uh oh Tangella
uh oh we’ve never done one of these before this is a first oh wow the worst movie ever shown on
Creature Feature thank you so much I’m finally an award-winning award winner that’s
so wonderful I want to thank everybody who is involved in this project well hold that up for the
camera so everyone can see there you go yaay come on the show win prizes
alright well you’ve been a wonderful guest thank you for letting us show your
film and you know maybe when you do another one or you’ve got some new
interesting prop or thing you should come back absolutely right right for sure thank you thank you
so much for having me alright as you guys thank you for
staying up late and watching this film we know has a bit of a chore to watch
this one but you know you saw something you’ve never seen before and that’s what
we give you here right right they like me they really like me alright see you
next week so Derek whats it like to have like a nice award like this it’s great this is really great I’m really happy to have won
this and when I make another movie do you think I can come back and win another award no

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