Corporate Atyachar 2016 – A Comedic Take on Business News with Vikram Poddar

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the BoredRoom Times! A show that takes a satirical view on news from the world of business. As you can tell from my condescending tone, my over-emphasized accent and the fancy suit that I am wearing that I used to be an Investment Banker and now I am a comedian. Its been a very logical financial progression but welcome to the show. Lets start with news from the world of Business today. First news item, Bharti Airtel cuts data prices. Now contrary to popular perception, this is not as compensation for that annoying Airtel 4G girl. In fact is believed that this strategy actually was deployed to counter Reliance’s strategy of deploying data prices with low cost “LYF Phones” When some executives complained that this was predatory pricing by Reliance, the Reliance strategy team responded with the following slide “Mah LYF, Mah Rulz” In a further diversification move, Reliance Industries has clubbed its petrol arm with its retail arm. Secret documets suggest the company may also be entering the domain of infertility treatments, thus explaining its slogan karlo duniya mutthi mein. The stock of PVR is looking at significant uptick in earnings driven by high earnings from Jungle Book in Quarter 1 And Sultan in the current quarter. One movie is about how other animals have to save themselves from an arrogant, maurading, dangerous beast who destroys everything in its path. The other one is ‘Jungle Book’. So I believe there are a lot of good headwinds coming for the PVR stock especially with Kabali being another big grosser. Now some funds have complained that these movies are too heavily driven just by star names and not any underlying content. Now this is really ironic coming from the same private equity funds who last year were happy to throw money at any startup just because “Promoter ke name mein Bansal hai”. These people have had even less discretion in chasing startups than teenagers chasing Pokemons! Falling merchant fees boost plastic money. Today you can swipe your credit card to pay for Vada Pav. In fact, its not just high street vendors. Even a bhel wala in Mumbai and a sugarcane juice vendor in Bhopal is willing to accept credit cards So imagine a situation where you go to your Paanwallah and have a cigeratte with plastic money. I guess you can even get your PayTM cashback in discounts for ‘Cancer treatments’. But I still cannot imagine a situation where I actually go upto a hooker and say madam… PayTM karo… A survey shows that 85% of Indians prefer to work overseas for better salary and a better standard of living. Now this is especially prevelant in the IT industry where a lot of IT employees typically keep complaining about everything ranging from bad salary prospects, unclear career progression and a lack of meaningful work. But the IT industry has studied this extensively and they have realized that all these problems can be addressed with the following solution. In fact, this solution has proved to be highly effective with 9 out of 10 employees coming back with the following feedback. “Internet of Things gives India opportunities.” After its recent acquisition by Softbank, the tech major ARM’s CEO went on record saying India has amazing expertise in Internet of Things. I guess he must truly be in awe of India’s “jugaad” innovation capabilities. Because guys the Indian version of “Internet of Things”.

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