COOKING WITH EMMA IS BACK

COOKING WITH EMMA IS BACK


hi! *intro music* *shattering sound* *upbeat music* ew I just farted and it, like, wafted up and i now smell it so that was gross but hey! it’s time for another cooking with emma it’s been too long and i miss it and you guys apparently miss it too because you guys comment about it every once in a while if you guys want something, then i do it because i’m your bitch, so *burps twice* oh my fuck- i’m sick of this in today’s installment, we’re going to be making homemade burritos somehow this hasn’t happened yet i don’t know how i haven’t thought of this i’m just really stupid 90% of the time originally i was like okay, well making a burrito really isn’t that hard you just have to, like, warm up a tortilla, warm up rice warm up black beans, warm up chee- okay well you don’t really warm up the cheese but you just put it all together and it’s done so i was going to originally make hot sauce i even bought all of the ingredients i bought an onion… what if i said onion like that would you guys still be my friend? i bought garlic, and, like, hot peppers and, like, vinegar and oil and, like, all this shit for it well, now i’ve been procrastinating on filming for the past three hours and it’s now 1:30am and so i’m not gonna make the hot sauce anymore but i’m not gonna let these hot peppers go to waste so i thought that i would eat one and see how that went i’m probably gonna burn off all of- all my tastebuds and then i won’t be able to taste the burrito but whatever i’m not even hungry anyway so let me try this these are serrano peppers when i was at whole foods buying these the lady that was checking me out was like “why do you have twenty of these? they’re very spicy” i was like, “oh, i don’t know, the hot sauce recipe i found online said twenty peppers” she was like, “don’t do that, only buy one” so i was like, “okay” uh, well i didn’t listen to her and now i have twenty of these so if they taste good, then maybe i’ll just snack on em on the weekends maybe dip em in some hummus or something but according to what she said, these aren’t, um that type of pepper, so *dramatic sound effect* i don’t know how much to eat, like i don’t wanna hurt myself *suspenseful sound* oh my god *suspenseful music* oh my god, no, fuck, that’s so bad i’m not fucking around oh my god, ow *burps* oh my god, i’m dry heaving what the fuck did i just do *burps* *gags* *burps* *burps* kay, let’s get started *slurping* i’m so fucking stupid *sniffs* oh my fucking god ah ughh – [friend] are you ok? – [emma] no! ok so you know how i bought those peppers for this video? – yeah? – instead of making the hot sauce i thought it would be good content to just eat one i was dry heaving over my fucking trash can i shouldn’t have done that now that we’ve done that i’m gonna make myself a coffee because as you can see right here i have beautiful new espresso machine thank you [whispering] ethan i have not used it yet in a video so you guys haven’t seen the beauty of this thing this big monster *sniffs* but i thought it would be fitting to, you know, spice things up and make a coffee kind of get some- you know, feel like the good old days you know what i mean? *sniffs* i’m gonna make an iced almond milk latte bringing it really back to the good old days *wah wah sound effect* this thing is a fuckin beast *sniffs* *booing* oh- kay that was not the way to do that *burps* ooh these smell really good oh, okay now that we’ve done that- i hope i did that right cause that machine has a lot of different buttons and i don’t always know how to use it so that’s… my fault i’m making a double shot coffee because even though it’s 1am, i don’t care about my well being and so let’s just do it yay! aaah *upbeat music* *sniffs* also, while the coffee is brewing let’s talk about the fact that i have valentine’s day merch speaking of coffee, it says coffee right here on the little tongue if you wanna buy this, link in my bio i think it’s pretty fun, kinda limited edition valentine’s day tends to be a very upsetting holiday this might make the day a little bit better yeah, like this doesn’t just- *mystery sound effect* this must be worn all year round look at that thing working its wonders back there i’m hype, don’t know about y’all *laughs* okay, i- *farting sound effect* oh my god i almost peed myself, wait *farting sound effect* okay whatever, fuck this these are, like, professional as fuck like look at this! *music* shouldn’t have done that i literally look like i have my own little at-home cafe *guitar music* so dope! *slurping* *gasps* oh, fuck *slurping* mmm, oh yeah those are some good fucking beans, holy shit raise the roof! okay let’s get started for starters, i’m taking these peppers watch this, really cool, how i’m gonna do this *explosion sound effect* today i’m going to be making a burrito that’s similar to what i would order at a restaurant if you didn’t know, one of my favorite foods of all time is a burrito i love breakfast burritos, i love- i love every burrito today we’re making wheat tortilla, black beans rice, and normal cheese burrito because you know what? i try not to eat dairy unless it’s in a burrito, that is my only exception because guess what… it just feels wrong if you eat it with vegan cheese and a little diarrhea never hurt nobody! *mystery sound effect* i thought that these were rotten because i didn’t have any tortillas except for these ones in my freezer that i actually bought when i moved here like, six months ago they were in the freezer, thank god, because if that was not the case they would have been rotten by… september 22nd, 2018 as cooking with emma always goes cooking with emma is not educational i’m not teaching you how to do anything because i don’t know what i’m doing so that would just be manipulative and unfair instead, we’re just having fun together hanging out while i cook for myself a meal that i probably won’t end up eating it’s really… a good system we have going and there’s a reason why i haven’t made these types of videos in a while and it’s because they are kind of pointless not my fault where’s my can opener? like who moves that? i don’t- i literally live by myself who would have moved it? oh, it’s right here okay, actually i know who moved it, it was my mom cause she came here and reorganized my whole apartment cause i don’t know what i’m doing in that department *crickets* *confused sound effect* i don’t even know how to open a can honestly oh no that’s right! *laughs* hi, i’m wifey material oh, maybe not every time i open a can i cut myself on the top of it so i’m gonna try to make today not the day *dramatic sound effect* no cuts yet, today might not be the day oh my god, i did it so pouring black beans into the strainer because i don’t want the black bean juice all over it, that’s gross *boing* *crash* *twang* you know, i haven’t really talked to you guys about my life recently i don’t really talk to you guys about my life much anymore because i always just assume that nobody cares, but i think that that’s kind of a personal issue for me and that you know, maybe you guys do wanna know what’s going on in my life or something and if you don’t, well, fuckin sorry i don’t really know what else to talk about because i’m making a object that’s so easy to cook that literally cookbooks don’t even have recipes on how to cook this because it’s that easy so now we’re just gonna talk about my life cause i’m conceited rinsing off my beans, tee hee first let’s talk about some things that have happened to me that no one knows about for starters, let me tell you a story this might not even be an interesting one but at this point i don’t think my life is interesting enough to really provide much, so we’re just gonna see how the story goes the mailroom in my apartment lost one of my packages it was a christmas gift and my mailroom lost it just fucking lost it like it was nothing to them i obviously, naturally, was very upset and decided that i would take matters into my own hands and harass them every day to see if it came in actually, i know it had come in because dhl sent me an email saying that my leasing office signed for the package so i was like, “okay, well then they have it” i’m starting to get very upset because this is a gift that i would like to give to the person i bought it for and now i can’t so i look like a fucking fraud i look like i didn’t even buy them said gift this is upsetting to me my mom and i were on text back and forth and she was like, “hey, maybe you should check your mailroom” because my packages go to my leasing office and then my small, like, envelope kind of packages go to my mailroom which is something that i have a key for quick note: i check my mailbox maybe once every two months i normally don’t check my mailbox so my mom was like, “maybe check it cause maybe the lost package went there instead” i go to my mailroom not the leasing office, the mailroom this story’s already complicated what have i started here i go to the mailroom and the mail guy’s in there never seen him before okay i’m gonna insert what my mailboxes look like in my apartment building all of those were open like this the mail guy opens all of those up when he’s putting packages and letters and things like that into everybody’s mailboxes all at once so that he doesn’t have to open up every single one individually it just all opens up so that you can see everybody’s so you can just shove em all in quickly and efficiently well i check my mail the mail guy looks at me and he’s like “what are you doing?” and i was like, “oh, i’m getting my mail” he was like, “why?” i was like, “cause i need to get my mail?” and then i was like, okay well he probably thinks i’m a little suspicious because i just happen to be getting the mail while he was… *sad music* ow, oh my god, ow this is the type of stuff i have to do on youtube to be funny shit like that, hurt myself this might be the shortest cooking with emma in history i’m literally almost done with this burrito oh fuck, i’m burning this fucking tortilla, aren’t i? okay *crickets* *explosion sound effect* kay, now i have to use a different one well let’s go back to the fucking story! so long story short- i always say that and it’s never a long story short it always long story long for me cause i love to talk about myself anyway, he starts giving me the eyes not like, the eyes like *sexy music* like, the eyes like *wah wah sound effect* and i was not having it i was getting offended because i was like this guy doesn’t trust me that i live in this building yet i’m in here meaning that i have a fob and i was upset i’ve said that, like, seven times wha- what’s my point here again? so i was like, “oh if you want i can just get my mail another time because i know that you’re- *coffee machine starts making noise* my espresso machine pees a little bit when i turn it off i don’t know why do you know what? this is why cooking with emma doesn’t work because i just get distracted and then i never actually get anywhere sorry, but *playful music* so i told him, i was like “hey if you want, i can just come back another time and get my mail” and he was like, “no it’s fine, i just wanna know why you’re doing it right now withou- with me here” i was like, “because i was walking out of my apartment and you were just sitting right there and it just happened to be that you were refilling the mail while i was leaving my apartment” he was like, “alright, whatever” and just like, was being super rude but just like, kinda left me alone and i was like okay, i’m off the hook i guess well i wasn’t off the hook so i’m looking through my mail and i was about to get in my car so i didn’t want to grab all of my mail i was like, okay, i’m just gonna grab some of my mail at this point i had already looked for my missing package and it wasn’t there so i was like, alright, well i guess i’ll just get my mail while i’m at it then because i’m already fuckin here and then i’ll get the rest later when i come back to my apartment in a few days well he notices this and this is something that he did not enjoy he was like, “why’d you only get some of your mail?” and i was like, “oh i just wanted to get the stuff that i needed right now” for example, my acne medication, stuff like that that i needed for the next few days whereas a phone bill is something i’m not gonna need for another six months cause i’m probably gonna forget to pay it he was like, “why would you get it later when you can get it right now?” i’m like, “well cause i’m about to go in my car so, like, i don’t really think i need it right now” and he was like, “well why don’t you just get it right now?” at this point, i’m starting to get mad cause this guy’s just fucking harrassing me at this point it’s none of his business whether i get my mail now or i get my mail later or if the way that i get my mail it doesn’t please him that’s really none of his business i’m getting frustrated, i’m getting fucking pissed so i was like, “i don’t wanna get it right now i’m gonna get it when i come back, what is it to you?” sassy emma comes out, she doesn’t come out a lot but when she does, it gets serious this pisses him off and he just almost screams at me “what’s wrong with you?!” and i was like, “what’s wrong with me? what’s wrong with you?!” like, i don’t see what the issue is i think i’m a pretty reasonable person and i think that the way this man acted out at me was not fuckin cool, i- i think i’m a pretty respectable person! after that, i got in the elevator and i fucking cried what did i learn from this? i don’t know how to cook a burrito and this looks like shit you would think considering it’s literally my favorite food that i’d, like, know how to cook one but, like, you’re wrong cause i can’t and this looks like shit but i’m still gonna try it anyway cause i’m… kind of hungry even though i’m not actually hungry it’s just one of those things where it’s like i’m bored so i’m hungry *dramatic music* mmm, mmm, okay what? *guitar music* wait what? why is this not bad? okay! you know what? maybe the fact that this is literally my favorite food made it easier for me to cook it because i’m such a pro at knowing what i like about it *music* it’s not the best considering that i made it, and i have a very low iq i’m not mad about this! i mean also, like, this random salsa that i had in my pantry, that definitely helps a little bit *music* [inaudible] i might eat this shit! it’s hella good! i think the main issue is that it’s slightly lacking flavor but the salsa kinda makes up for it it’s actually really… not that bad this is probably the best cooking with emma that’s ever happened but anyway, hope you enjoyed my pointless story that kinda just took up this whole video, but that was really upsetting for me, i cried, um which is al- it’s not really… too much of a… shock [inaudible] i have to clean up this mess i also got rice all over the floor so i’m probably gonna have to vacuum also this is not the only burrito i had today i also had one this morning i really probably- like my doctor’s probably concerned watching this right now, being like- not like my doctor’s watching this i don’t know why my doctor would be watching this but just in case my doctor was watching this it’s probably not healthy to have more than one burrito in one day, but *crunch sound effect* *catchy music* alright, i think that’s about it for today’s cooking with emma do you want me to keep doing this shit? as i said earlier, i’ll do it cause i’m your bitch just let me know, let me know what you like [to friend] what do you want?! – [friend] i just heard you saying you were done and i want to eat it – [emma] i already ate it do you want me to make you another one? – do you have enough to make another one? – oh my god, i have more than enough it wasn’t the best, but it was decent or do you want a quesadilla? – yeah – i can do that for you – really? – yeah, these tortillas kinda suck though – are they still good, like did- – oh yeah, totally – did you check the date and everything? – i froze them, so they were- they’re good till forever – are you sure? – yeah *burps* – yeah, i’d eat a quesadilla can you make coffee? – mhm, try it *turbo sound effect* – ooh, i kinda want one – you want a coffee? – i mean are we staying awake to edit or no? – yeah, we’re never sleeping again – why is there a big puddle on your floor? – um… i peepeed! i peepee on floor it’s an ice cube that melted when i was trying to cool my mouth down from the pepper, i got- i put a ice cube in there but then the ice cube was too cold so i went… i’ll sh- demonstrate what i did – kay now there’s gonna be two- what is that? – that is my dish rack, okay bye *beep* [emma voiceover] so after i finished filming i made amanda a quesadilla but the sad part was that there was actually a hair in it so, okay, have a good day, love you guys, bye okay i’m almost done talking but, like, not quite because i have one more exciting announcement i- well actually there wasn’t any other announcements in this video, okay, whatever i just launched channel members on my channel so if you wanna sign up for that, go ahead go on my channel and click the join button next to the subscribe button and it’ll give you all the info before you wanna sign up if that’s something you wanna do so go check that out and that’s it okay, now i’m done, okay bye, love you bye *outro music*

You May Also Like

About the Author: Oren Garnes

100 Comments

  1. August 2019 where are u ppl? 👋🏻
    Also it’s been 6 months without a cooking with Emma!!!!🥺
    edit:omg she just uploaded one
    (btw also a youtuber heehee)

  2. I eat a serrano with almost every meal. But I am Mexican so that explains it. I love to oil them up and roast them.

  3. Idk why but, I've watched this video about 5 times, and every time the way she edits "ethan" when talking about how he got her the coffee machine it makes me laugh

  4. When she starts the story of the mailman is she talking about Ethan’s shirt she bought him for the Christmas sister squad collab

  5. So many people probably yelled ‘Emma, NO!’ 🤚🏻when you were about to take a bite of that pepper. Girl those peppers don’t mess around.

  6. Omg they expired on my birthday. In four days, it's their 2 year expiration anniversary! 1 Like = 1 respect for the deceased tort-ill-as.

  7. Emma! i changed my mind about other comments. I made. you're not an alien from somewhere…you were born in a closet and recently released.. at the age we have to witness you.. making videos.. Emma!

  8. this is kind of late, but it made me cringe so hard when you toasted the tortilla before you put the ingredients on it. thats why it looked like shit.

  9. this old ass emma chamberlain video inspired me to do my own cooking video and it was a HUGE success and by success I mean I didn't burn down my house

  10. So I was sitting here watching this and my mom was watching TV and there was an IHOP food commercial and was starting to get sister squad flashbacks 😞😢

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *