6 Tips for Managing a Broken Business Relationship – Lisa Nichols

6 Tips for Managing a Broken Business Relationship – Lisa Nichols


Hi there and welcome back to the
Lisa Nichols show. Oh my God. I just love the
conversations we have here. We have conversations about what the
tools we need, the awareness we need, the insight, the grace, the compassion that we need in order to
live the life that we all say we want. You know, one thing that I’m clear about is the
life we want is not out of our reach. It’s just a matter of learning
some new techniques and skills. I love reading your comments. I love seeing your engagement and every
episode hearing your feedback where a conversation, a comment an
awareness touched your heart, touched your soul or gave you a tool
you needed or just let you know that you weren’t by yourself. I love
it. Keep your comments coming. Keep letting me know what works for you. Keep letting me know
what you needed to hear. Keep asking me to have
different conversations.
This is your tribe. This is, you’re driving these conversations.
When you say, Lisa helped me with this, Lisa, I want to know about this.
I go back. I look at my life. I look at the evidence I have in
that area, the growth, the breakdown, and then I turn around
and serve that up to you. In this episode we’re talking about
a topic that I’ve had way too much experience in. You know, sometimes you can have experience in
something and you don’t really want to experience in it. Well this is
one of those topics. One of my, one of our phenomenal tribe
members asked the question, Lisa, how do you mend a broken or
damaged business relationship? It’s like when I read it, my head spun around cause I felt like
every single broken relationship in business that I’ve ever had came
right up to the forefront in my heart. And what’s, what’s really real is
that a relationship is a relationship. Business or personal. Of course
they have a different context, but when they’re broken and when they
are damaged and there’s still pain, pain doesn’t have a reference
point. Pain just feels like pain. Betrayal feels like betrayal.
Hurt feels like hurt. And so number one, remember that we
don’t just do business with business, we do business with people. And so how do we mend broken
business relationships? Number one, we need to identify where
the breakdown was, which is very, um, it’s really sticky because people don’t
want to identify where the breakdown was on their part. So I’m going
to say, and I’m going to say, pull up your big girl pants, pull up your big boy pants and identify
where was the breakdown on your part. So many times when I felt betrayed and
I felt hurt and I felt taken advantage of, there was, I couldn’t see any
breakdown on my part. Of course, of course, it’s very hard to
see the breakdown in your part. But when I looked at it deeper, I realized the breakdown oftentimes
within my lack of clarity. It was in my lack of clearly
explaining what I expected, what I needed in this business
relationship. Oh, by the way, it happens in personal ones as well.
But for the sake of this conversation, I realized that I, I
spoke to the big points, but I didn’t speak to the
small points in between. And it was in the small points in between
that the perception was different on the other side. I always say
the big points are the bricks. If you’re building a home
together with a business partner, the big points are the bricks. Boom,
boom, boom. Those are the bricks, but the small points, how you going to
get it done, when you’ll get it done by, the energy. That’s the cement between the bricks. I would stack
bricks on top of each other. Here’s what we’re going to do.
Here’s how, how it’s going to happen? Here are the people it’s going to touch, but I didn’t put the cement
in between to say, I need you. If the date’s going to change, I need
you to call me and communicate that. I need you to identify and let
me know how you want to be paid. I need you to let me know if your
payment to me is going to be late. I’d like 10 days notice like all the
small things that I realized always felt a little uncomfortable to me because
I was so excited about the idea. I didn’t want the details to bog us down. Details. I don’t believe
the devil’s in the details. I don’t know who started
that horrible statement. I believe the grace and the ease for
the relationship are in the details. I often felt uncomfortable getting
into a contract with a business partner because then I felt they would think I
didn’t trust them. And what I’ve learned, and I want to invite you to say this, if you’re doing any business
with anyone in the future, it’s important and imperative that we
have a clear contract because what doesn’t live in black and white lives in
gray and every broken relationship, every lawsuit that I’ve ever heard
of came from what was in the gray, not in the black and white. So how do you mend a broken or damaged
business relationship? Number one, take ownership of the part that
you played in the breakdown. Oh my God. I call it falling on the sword. I fell on so many swords on your
part and then ask for what you want. That’s number two. Ask for what you
need in the future. Number three, what’s required to regain
trust on both sides? So I’ll ask if I know that the
part that I did was huge. I’ll say, what do you need from me to
trust this relationship again? Like I said, you can use
this in personal as well. What do you need from me to
trust this relationship again? And if you didn’t break the trust,
you didn’t initiate the damage, then you get to say, what I need from you to regain
trust in this relationship is, it goes either direction, but you
get to initiate it either way. And then I always put
checkpoints in place. I don’t ever anymore start
from the beginning and get
to the end without several milestone checkpoints now. So if we’re running a marathon
called doing a book together, then I’ll do seven or seven
or eight milestones in
between so that we can course correct sooner, quicker, faster, so that the breakdowns are not as big.
And then we agree on the milestones. We agree on the checkpoints.
And then lastly, how to mend a broken or
damaged business relationship. We discuss how we part ways as we’re
initiating the relationship again. We say if it doesn’t work for us,
we give each other 30 days notice. If it doesn’t work for us, we
give each other 10 days notice. If it doesn’t work for us. We get to have courageous conversations
and we get to end the relationship and we both eat our losses. Whatever way it needs to part
to feel good for both of you. I discuss that at the beginning
of the mended conversation. I know it sounds hard, but if you’re
playing adult, play adult, adult, let’s be willing to have courageous
conversations for the sake of the relationship. The last
thing I’ll say, and this, I think this was the
smartest thing I ever did. I brought in someone in
the several conversations, business conversations
that really mattered to me, but they were broken and they were
damaged. I brought in a third party. I brought in a third party who was
very neutral, who served as our coach. So someone who understands the art of
communication and the art of relationship management. I brought him in. Now
I’m the coach. I coach coaches, I coach all the time and the person
that I was doing business with, they also are in the coaching industry
and we brought in a coach because we’re smart enough to know that when we
need someone to hold the space for the relationship, that’s not a
part of the experience we do. It doesn’t mean I’m not a good coach. It doesn’t mean I’m not
a good business person. It actually has been one of the most
responsible things I’ve ever done is to hire a coach to help me
have hard conversations, and they sit there and they, they make
sure that I don’t get out of balance. They make sure they don’t get
all about they center us again, and so that’s just been a gift to me. I’ve had a coach in my life around
these kind of conversations for probably about nine years now, and the last nine years have been the
most effective years in my business. So let’s go build and rebuild
great relationships. Remember, this show is not just a
monologue, it’s a dialogue. I’d love to hear from you. What was
the aha from this particular episode? Are there relationships that you’ve
wanted to mend but you didn’t know how? Did you get a BOL? Ah,
I can do it that way. Communication is one of
the hardest areas, I think, in life to master and broken relationships
are some of the hardest situations to get through. So please comment below and
let me know how this serves you. Now. Be sure to subscribe if you haven’t
already done so, what are you waiting on? And then always look out for more awesome
content because it comes from you and me. We’re in this together. After all, this is your home and we are your tribe, and I’m your sister in prosperity and
in possibility. And when I say that, I believe in you and I love
you. It’s because I do. If you’ve heard this before and you’re
like, she keeps saying that, I do, because I keep believing in you and I
continue to love you. I’ll see you soon.

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About the Author: Oren Garnes

25 Comments

  1. Thank you lisa, my BOL is that I never asked for what I needed, but the day I stopped my fear, it was easy for my busniess partner to understand me and help me with open arms and big heart. I used to ask help on the big bricks, but what I really needed was the siment to stranghen the structure.

  2. The little things we can do to help us have better experiences in life are amazing. If we apply thease steps in our business relationships as well as personal relationships the experience of the benefits they have can be mind blowing. I receive this Lisa, thank you. 💖

  3. This is just so good! I wonder how you’d navigate this conversation in a corporate situation. If I said this to my boss, I doubt I’d get a response.

  4. Thank you for this segment, I recently was fired from my job because I asked for a raised based on my experience and skills in my professional career. 2019 was a very vexed year for me and my family because of my car accident, surgery, family issues and lost of my Father 12/23/19. My employers were okay with me taking a part-time position until I got my affairs in order but later one of the partners hired their sister (who didn't do an efficient job). All of my amenities were stripped from me given to her, however, when I'd come to work, all of the detailed important work was waiting for me to handle. So she decided to quit because she couldn't fulfill the position anymore. When the full-time position was offered back to me I asked that I get my salary worth, which was a significant amount higher than what they had been paying. They decline to negotiate and rescinded their offer by email. WOW. So thank you for this message because it confirmed my self worth and my abilities to be an adult with clarity to my employer regarding my needs. I know race played a big part in it, but that doesn't bother me, it was the lack of decency and respect to confront me as a longtime employee of the firm, confirming my leave to change my career! Thank you thank you and THANK YOU!

  5. I dont know if this is BOL but i want to share this.
    Things I realized today.
    I applied to a job that I wanted because I knew in me,
    I am qualified for that job.
    Today I recieved a letter.
    I didn't get the job. I anticipated that I can't have this job because few days earlier I recieved a call about the location and stuff and how far it is from where I live but still hoped for better result.
    I got upset and failed to treat my mom the way I always do.
    Things that didn't go well in my life came in to my mind that moment and I was getting angry and I couldn't know why anger is coming.
    I came back to my senses. I appologized to her and hugged her and tell her why I acted that way,how I feel like I was getting no where and I couldn't achieve anything that I want. She told me many things. She told me how proud she is of me of all things I have accomplished but I couldn't see it in my own eyes.
    We went out to go to a coffee shop and I remembered the words she told me earlier she said "You'll face many big walls and your going to hit it this is not the last one so you need to be stronger" while we were cycling to the coffee shop I thought about a maze with walls where you need to choose where you'll walk through. This made me realize about the day where I chose where I'll go. I chose the practical one which is this job hoping to still pursue my dream that I had. The other one is I don't know clearly but I think to be able to move forward I need to go back to that place the place where I partly gave up that dream (I guess). I just wanted to share this becauese your videos inspired me a lot and I want to be better. Thank you very much.

  6. Holy crap this so what I needed to hear today!! I love the idea of talking about how to part ways at the beginning ummmm wish I'd though of that lol!!

  7. Lisa, thanks for all things that you are doing for us, for motivating us. I love it! Please, I'd like a video about how to combat perfectionism. It's like my worst enemy and I don't know how to deal with that… 🙁 I'd like to know your opinion. ❤️

  8. Good morning Lisa
    Once more thanks for this insight I grately appreciate and this worth listening more than once. My Takeaway learning – "We do Business with People and not Business" Powerfull !!!
    Secondly as is set everything by mortal beings has start and end and that is what I take of managing Business relations. That mind what starts, maintain and ends us.
    Thank you Lisa

  9. Thanks Lisa. I am an avoider of difficult conversations. You have helped me to not fear this, but have the courage to step up to this challenge.

  10. Thank you for sharing that Lisa, I so appreciate your touching base. I think the BOL for me as you talked was the realization that it almost always comes back to me…the breakdown on my part..my own lack of clarity… clearly explaining what I expected, needed or wanted..in any relationship…as if I was hoping the other person would just "get it and do it just right"…BUT NO! Boom BOL…it was in the small points in between the perception was different on the other side..

  11. Hi Lisa! I love your work, your integrity and have learned so much from watching you.

    This might not be the place to ask this- but I thought some place is better than not asking.

    My issue, in watching some of your videos, I know you wrote "Funding your dream" on every check that you deposited to the bank, and I've seen several times in your talks where you've talked about how we speak about something matters and can have a huge impact.

    I'm struggling with billing. Specifically, I have a task that I need to do for my business where I collect the money. I need to send invoices or otherwise ask for the amount I'm due for the services I've already provided.

    For some reason, I feel so icky with this. I feel like I step into the role of "Bill collector" and anyone whose ever gotten behind on something and had a "bill collector" call and hound you– ugh! Those people are not someone I want to be.

    I need a way to put this on my schedule that I'm "collecting the money that is due to me" that doesn't make me feel awful in the process. In other words, I really need a way to talk or frame this that is more inline with the exchange of energy that is appropriate for the gifts I've given to my clients.

    I know you can help with this, so I'm seeking your wisdom. Thank you so much for the many blessings you've shared with me and all who follow you.

    Much love & Respect

    Candella

  12. The "grey areas." Yes. What a lesson to learn😨 I must watch this video several times🌈 Thank you so much friend💎

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